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C O N T E N T S
Editorial
The Family
Enslavement of Women
Marriage Advertisements
The Visit
Reflections
One Too Many
Domestic Violence
Women Heading the Family
Head of Household
Death on Iron Guitar
Family Protection Racket
Going Home
Family Kills
Widowhood
Family in Buddhism
Family Law
11
13
14
15
17
18
19
22
24
25
27
28
30
Cover By: Thushani Weeratunge
Illustrations By: Janaki Samanthi
Printer: Hitech Prints
Sponsored By: SIDA
March, 1998
Vol 5, Issue 1
ISSN 1319-0906
POWe
The ca,
Out SO day th becom,
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In this out thi Most c the de ferent
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OCCAYE ing of
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This is house Qfpar StreSS keepin old ag
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House of Patriarchy
rrent issue of the Voice of Women on The Family' brings me aspects of how gender functions within the unit. To2 family has become the first unit of society and has e very important in the conceptual analysis of patriar
limited space and given time, it is impossible to bring power of patriarchy exercised within the family unit. fit is invisible and accepted as positive contribution to velopment ofsociety However: we have touchedon dif types of family units briefly and started with the most ant document relating to the history of the growth of the ie Engels Origin of the Family. This gives direction and ical support to the various developments that have din the formation and the enslavement ofwomen. Startwith that and tracing the rise of monogamy we come this factual conclusion which is highlighted elsewhere journal - "the specific character of monogamy for the a only and not for the man. And that is the character it is today'.
the beginning of monogamy woman was handicapped oman's virtue of monogamy almost defied by man and by woman keeps her virtually a prisoner in the family da domesticslave in the kitchen.
followed by brief aspects of the role genderplays in the - widowhood and its denial of good living, the selection ners for marriage, stories of suicide due to unbearable on the young and the old, attempt at single parent houseg, oppression of women by the extended family system, 2, violence, religion, etc.
se articles are only a touch on the finge of patriarchy of course "The Origin of the Family". Yet we hope to verybody's eyes to look beyond the sanctity of the unit. lave any contribution which willaddto this, please send We will be grateful to use in the future.
21/25 Polhengoda Gardens Colombo 5 Tel: 074 407879
March, 1998 O Voice of Women 1

Page 4
THE FIAM
The family is the most repressive social unit in the structure of the patriarchal society. The displacement and oppression of the female begins at this level and continues throughout life in varying degrees within the family unit and outside it.
There are many types of family units - the nuclear family, the extended family, single parent family, lesbian and homosexual units, etc. Of these, the single parent family is somewhat outside the direct patriarchal influence.
The nuclear family is generally found in European and advanced
societies, but in reality like all other family units contains many diverse cultures and a variety of family types. These are racial Communities with ethnic, language and religious variations. It is a unit of parents and children and the male is considered the chief supporter of the unit. He is head of the family with the wife as a ful time mother and housewife.
The extended family is also run by a male with his wife / wives and his son's households. It is a traditional family unit, and the wife is under the authority of the
head of the fami mother-in-lavV, si other relatives w of the household
In this system, th people to satisfy
a harder time the nuclear family. T ily System gives
the 'head' of the more responsi which in turn mae midable. The wife less rights, and tends to be a hiv and Strained rei, add to the strer occupant and rec of the female/s dependancy.
The Single parer and children) SL
nomically, cultu She has no brea of feeling libera has made her fe male authority e drunken wife-ba often accepts thi ation.
Customarily, it is not to have a mai spinster or a sin a form of Socia
2 o Voice of Women o March, 1998
 

(MILY
ly, as well as her Sters-in-law, and ho are inmates .
he wife has many and generally has in the wife of the ne eXtended famgreater power to e household and bilities as well, ke him more fore/wives has/have the unit generally e of conspiracies ationships which ngth of the chief luces the position into a state of
it family (women iffers much ecoally and socially. dwinner (instead ted, socialization el the loss Of the ven when he is a ttering man). She S entrenched Situ
a shameful thing h and be a widow, je parent. This is all punishment to
Wean away from popularising Such "free households. Cultura and social ties act as deterents to "wayward' actions of 'strong headed' women who have no shame or fear (lajabaya). Social deterents here are ostracization, and economic deprivation.
Other forms of family units which are not large in number or too popular are lesbian and homoSexual units.
All the family units contain visible and invisible patriarchal ties which cut deep into the psyche of the female, the mother and the daughter, who accept the second class position as an inevitable part of existence.What is a family unit? How did the unit spring up and how does it assist patriarchy? (Read Enslavement of Women, Aage 5).
"Famulus means domestic slave and familia is the aggregate number of slaves belonging to one man. The expression was in vented by the Romans to designate a new social organism, the head of which had a wife, children and a number of slaves under his authority, and according to Roman law, had the right to life and death over all of them" (Origin of the Family).

Page 5
"When woman ceased to be a producer she became dependent. The entire support of wife and family was thrown upon the man, and marriage, perhaps for the first time in the world, became a serious economic burden. Law and religion Sprang into its Support and propagated and enforced a
new idea - that the support of Women and Children was a natural obligation and duty of man" (The Family).
Evelyn Reed goes further, "a new myth arose to cover up the fact that not only women, but also working men, have been exploited and robbed by this capitalist society.“
When the community provided the welfare and protection of every individual, life was very different to that which the family unit offered. The community leaders, it is supposed, had training, wisdom, and leadership qualities, and they were elected on these considerations, but in the family unit each head was an untrained, inexperienced protector and provider. So it is to be expected that the codes of conduct that were followed varied from family to family, society to society.
Nevert hele SS, What remained prominent is the marginalization of Women and repression of her freedom. This is a COmmon faCtor throughout patriarchal Society which by its nature enslaves WOen
The family unit did not spring up in a day or two. It took thousands of years to displace woman from her strong position of motherhood and protector and caretaker of the children. When the hunter turned agriculturist gradually he usurped the position of the Women in the field of agriculture and small technology she had developed around the comunity.
She was pushed into a full time mother, feeder, who had caring and nurturing as the target of life
(for details refer Vol 4 issue 6 -
GroMV, and Da MVn and dependenc Slow and easy g chy was on the C
in general, just a pected but in t cases unfulfilled providing' there w ment and loss of female by now ge within the famil chal society with had proclaimed Women to accep for life and its pu sure within the fa ing effect esp mother which ret tal development t provided easy spread of mythica superiority as a ment.
The female child ily is invariably th ent of good food, arship and groor taken when the d ready for an inten a 'giving away't arch for 'safe kee ral talents are no cause they do no purpose in living \ tication'. If she is haphazard one wi tinue to develop nique or style and been said earlier. ignorant of what earlier. If she is musician or a sc Searcher, the Sal for her. She will ra professional stan birth she had b dowed than her ing she was not him.
To examine brief tools of patriarc religion and man looks at the fam manner and pres for the institutior

oice of Women Women First to of Technology), 7 on her card. owth of patriarimbo.
S there was exne, majority of protection' and as much curtailfreedom for the ting imprisoned " which patriarits various tools
and enforced t as the model pose. The presmily casts a dullecially on the arded her menOO. ThiS, in turn, ground for the | Claims Of mae natural endow
in a 'model' fame second recipi
clothing, scholming (exception aughter is made ded marriage or o another patriping'). Her natut developed be)t add up to her vhich is domesa writer she is a no does not Con
a unique techadd to what has She probably is
has been said nclined to be a ientist or a rene can be said Irely come up to dards even if at een better en0rother. ASSum
born inferior to
y two important hy – man made made law which ly in a glorified entS a Structure alization of rela
tionships between the sexes, especially as seen in the system of "marriage' which can be called the beginning of the family unit. Marriage calls into existence a hierarchical and a non-egalitarian relationship which is maintained by the sacrifice, sweat and self denia of the woman. She has in her list unpaid, un recognized labour, undignified treatment for being a woman, exploitation of her sexuality and societal punishment for what she is. She is taught by literature, tradition, law and religion to remain in the family unit - the world stands open for her but she is a model woman, obedient daughter and a sacrificing mother and a Wife bearing al these qualities together so she remains a serVant, and a key factor in the growth of the family unit and in patriarchy.
The patriarchal legal system clearly accepts the male as the head of the family. To quote from "Family Law by Professor Savitri Goonesekera.
"All family law systems in Sri Lanka reflect the same approach to family authority and the status of the spouse in the marriage relationship. The husband is deemed 'head of the household' the individual with the primary rights and responsibility for the welfare of his wife and children. The wife has rights and responsibilities, but these are usually subordinate to those conferred upon the husband. They receive full or substantial recognition only upon the dissolution of the marriage by death.
They are invariably less significant, when the marriage is disSolved by divorce..."
Family repression also includes sexual repression. Sexual needs, and sexual rights of a wife are not considered in society nor within the family unit. Such needs are unbecoming, outside this role of model conduct and are therefore ignoble. For him he is a man
March, 1998 e Voice of Women o 3

Page 6
and he has his legitimate lust love, which is granted.
In Some cases he can be pardoned if he looks for satisfaction out - side the family which by now is her prison and his launching pad and for her to look outside these, written and unwritten regulations, legal structures and literature of the patriarchy is not pardonable. Those who are bold enough to do so become the 'mad' ones, the 'witches', the 'shameless', the prostitutes, the naked, the untouchables.
"In sad plight would we be if we might not already, lighting up the horizon from East and West and North and South discern the new young women of today who, as the period of feminine enslavement
passes away, ser ognition across t elder sisters." Ec (from - The Firs Da Vis/
Law and religion lookers societa where women are a great big factor to take first place and inheritance.
As for religion, no able to found a prophet or Buddh lower filling chur( and donating dat the crowd on (Mehenisasne V denied to dasasil been forcibly re
4 o Voice of Women o
March, 1998
 

d glances of reche ages to their 'ward Carpenter
Sex - E/zabeth
are COnStant Ony and ethically, Concerned. Also which has crept s property rights
Woman has been
religion, be a a. She is the fol:h tills and pews has and forming
a poya day. thich had been mathas has now established with
the help of learned men and Women in the World.)
AS for Mahanayakes, Anunayakes, Popes, Bishops, Archbishops, priests, it is a story of suppression of human rights of the woman and her children. The Bible, the Codes, the Dhamma, the scriptures remain books by males for the followers. They also contain codes of discipline and Societa behaviourism written by men directly and indirectly pertaining to or connected to women or meant for women.
And what happens to those who drop out or make Serious attempts to do so or make dents in the structure of the family is another story.
Eva RanaWeera

Page 7
The Enslaveme
The family in primitive times consists in the progressive narrowing of the circle, originally embracing the whole tribe, within which the two sexes have a common conjugal relation. The continuous exclusion, first of nearer, then of more and more remote relatives, and at least even of relatives by marriage, ends by making any kind of group marriage practically impossible. Finally, there remains only the single, still loosely linked pair, the molecule with whose dissolution marriage itselfceases. This in itself shows what a small part individual sex-love, in the modern sense of the word, played in the rise of monogamy. Yet strongerproofisafforded by the practice of all peoples at this stage of development. Whereas in the earlier forms of the family men never lacked women, but, on the contrary, had too many rather than too few, Women had now become scarce and highly sought after. Here it is with the pairing marriage that there begins the capture and purchase of women-widespreadsymptoms, but no more than symptoms, of the much deeper change that had occured. These symptoms, mere methods of procuring wives, the pedantic Scot, McLennan, has transmogrified into special classes of families under the names of"marriage by capture" and "marriage by purchase". In general, whetheramong the American Indians or other peoples (at the same stage), the conclusion of a marriage is the affair not of the two parties concerned, who are often not consulted at all, but of their mothers. Twopersonsentirely unknownto each other are often thus affianced; they only learn that the bargain has been struck when the time for marrying
approaches. Before the wedding the bridegroom gives presents to the bride's gentile relatives (to those on
It is the ex
топоgат slaves bele stamps mc its specific
MVO12(1 OA character
the mother's side. the father and his are regarded as gi turn for the girl. T terminable at the partner, butamon Iroquois, for exan ion has gradually such separations; arise between hus gens relatives of as mediators, and forts prove fruitle tion take place, th ing the children
being free to mari
The pairing famil and unstable to n dent household n desirable, in no communistic hou from earlier tim housekeeping, ho Supremacy ofwo just as the exclusi the female parent possibility ofrec parent with certail women - the mot high respect. On surd notions také eighteenth-centur that in the begi Woman was the Among all savag ians of the lower a and to a certain e.
 
 
 
 
 

nt of Women
istence of slavery side by side with y, the presence of young beautiful nging unreservedly to the man_that nogamy from the very beginning with character of monogamy for the ly but not for the man. And that is the it still has today.
therefore, not to relations), which ft payments in rehe marriage is still desire of either g many tribes, the nple, public opindeveloped against when differences band and wife, the both partners act only if these efss does a separae wife then keepand each partner y again.
y, itself too weak nake an indepenecessary or even wise destroys the sehold inherited es. Communistic wever, means the men in the house; ve recognition of , owing to the imognizing the male ity, means that the hers - are held in 2 of the most abin over from the enlightenment is ning of society slave of man. es and all barbarnd middle stages, tent of the upper
stage also, the position of women is not only free, but honorable. As to what it still is in the pairing marriage, let us hear the evidence of Ashur Wright, for many years missionary among the Iroquois SenCC2S
"As to their family system, occupying the old long-houses (communistic households comprising several families), it is probable that some one clan (gens) predominated, the women taking in husbands, however, from the other clans (gentes) ... Usually, the female portion ruled the house....The stores were incommon; and woe to the luckless husband or lover who was too shiftless to do his share of the providing. No matterhow many children, or whatever goodshe might have in the house, he might at any time be ordered to pick up his blanket and budge; and after such orders it would not be healthful to him to attempt to disobey. The house would be too hot for him; and ... he must retreat to his own clan (gens); or as was often done, go and start a new matrimonial alliance in some other. The women were the great power among the clans (gentes), as everywhere else. They did not hesitate, when occassion required, "to knockoff the horns' as it was techni
March, 1998 O Voice of Women o 5

Page 8
cally called, from the head ofa chief, and send him back to the ranks of the warriors.
The communistic household, in which most or all of the women belong to one and the same gens, while the men come from various gentes, is the material foundation of that supremacy of the women among savages and barbarians.
The division of labour between the two sexes is determined by quite other causes than by the position of woman in society. Among peoples where the women have to workfar harder than wethink suitable, there is often much more real respect for women than among our Europeans. The lady of civilization, surrounded by false homage and estranged from all real work, has an infinitely lower social position than the hard-working woman of barbarism, who was regarded by her people as a real lady (lady, frowa, Frau -mistress) and who was also a lady in character.
Pairing marriage had brought a new element into the family. By the side of the natural mother of the child it placed its natural and attested father, with a better warrant of paternity, probably, than that of many a 'father' today. According to the division of labour within the family at that time, it was the man's part to obtain food and the instruments of labour necessary for the purpose. He therefore owned the instruments of labour, and in the event of husband and wife separating, he took them with him, just as she retained her household goods. Therefore, according to the social custom of the time, the man was also the owner of the new source of subsistence - the cattle, and later of the new instruments oflabour-the slaves. But according to the custom of the same society, his children could not inherit from him. For as regards inheritance, the position was as follows:
6 o Voice of Women o March, 1998
At first, accordin so long, therefor reckoned only in and according to tom of inheritanc the gentile relativ a deceased fellov gens. His prope1 within the gens.
insignificant, the passed in practice tile relations - th relations on ther children of the de did not belong ti that of their moth that they inherited with her other blo perhaps with righ could not inherit because they did gens, within whic to remain. When herds died, the would go to his b, and to his sister's issue of his mothé own children wer
Thus, on the one tion aswealth inci the man's position important thanthi the other hand ci to exploit this stre in order to overtl his children, the t inheritance. This, possible so long reckoned accordi Mother-right, thi overthrown, and This was by no as it looks today tion - one of the I experienced by
take place with single one of the a gens. All coul were. A simpled in the future the male members sh the gens, but th should be exclud ferred to the gens

g to mother-right e, as descent was the female line - the original cuse within the gens, 'es inherited from v member of their ty had to remain His effects being y probably always to his nearest genat is, to his blood nother's side. The adman, however, ) his gens, but to dr; it was from her , atfirst conjointly od-relations, later ts of priority; they from their father, not belong to his h his property had the owner of the 'efore, his herds rothers and sisters children, or to the ar's sisters. But his e disinherited.
hand, in proporreased, it made the in the family more e woman's, and on eated an impulse ngthened position lrow, in favour of raditional order of however, was im, as descent was ng to mother-right. refore, had to be overthrown it was. means so difficult . For this revolunost decisive ever humanity - could out disturbing a living members of d remain as they 2cree sufficed that : offspring of the ould remain within at of the female ed by being transof their father. The
reckoning of descent in the female line and the matriarchal law of inheritance were substituted for them. As to how and when this revolution took place among civilized peoples, we have no knowledge. It falls entirely within prehistoric times.
The overthrow of mother-right was the world historical defeat of the femalesex. The man took command in the home also; the woman was degraded and reduced to servitude, she became the slave of his lust and a mere instrument for the production of children. This degraded position of the woman, especially conspicuous among the Greeks of the heroic and still more of the classical age, has gradually been palliated and glossed over, and sometimes clothed in a milder form; in no sense has it been abolished.
We meet this new form of family (the monogamous family) in all its severity among the Greeks. While the position of the goddesses in their mythology brings before us an earlier period when the position of women was freer and more respected, in the heroic age we find the woman already being humiliated by the domination of the man and by competition from girl slaves. In Homer, young women are booty and are handed over to the pleasure of the conquerors, the handsomestbeing picked by the commanders in order of rank; the entire Iliad, it will be remembered, turns on the quarrel of Achilles and Agamemnon over one of those slaves. If a hero is of any importance, Homer also mentions the captive girl with whom he shares his tent and his bed. These girls were also taken back to Greece

Page 9
and brought under the same roof as the wife.
The legitimate wife was expected to put up with all this, but herself to remain strictly chaste and faithful. In the heroic age a Greek woman is, indeed, more respected than in the period of civilization, but to her husband she is after all nothing but the mother of his legitimate children and heirs, his chiefhousekeeper and the supervisor of his female slaves, whom he can and does take as concubines if he so fancies. It is the existence of slavery side by side with monogamy, the presence of young, beautiful slaves belonging unreservedly to the man, that stamps monogamy from the very beginning with its specific character of monogamy for the woman only, but not for the man. And that is the character it still has today.
Monogamous marriage comes on the scene as the subjugation of the one sex by the other, it announces a struggle between the sexes unknown throughout the whole previous prehistoric period. The first class opposition that appears in history coincides with the development of the antagonism between man and woman in monogamous marriage, and the first class oppression coincides with that of the femalesex by the male.
Buta second contradiction thus develops within monogamous marriage itself. At the side of the husband who embellishes his existence with hetaerism stands the neglected wife. And one cannot have one side of this contradiction without the other, any more than a man has a whole apple in his hand after eating half. But that seems to have been the husband's notion, until their wives taught them better. With monogamous marriage, tWO COnStant social types, unknown hitherto, make their appearance on the scene - the wife's attendant lover and
the cuckold hus had won the vic but the vanquish provided the cri monogamous
hetaerism, adul avoidable socia nounced, sever impossibleto su certain paterni rested on mor before, and to : contradiction til Art. 312, decree pendant le marr mari, " the fath ceived during m band. Such is the thousand years marriage.
Thus, wherevel family remains origin and clea tagonism betwe woman express clusive suprem miniature the sa contradictions society has bee power to resolve ever since it spli beginning of ( speaking here,
those cases of riage where ma ally proceedsac nal character of tion, but wher against the hus Not all marriag nobody knowst man philistine, assert his rule i can in the state with every right he is unworthy for it, he conside his French com tune, to whom, c something much
Engels Origin of the F:

band. The husbands ory over the wives, ed magnanimously wn. Together with
marriage and ery became an unLl institution - deely penalized, but ppress. At best, the ty of the children al conviction as olve the insoluble he Code Napleon, d: "L'enfant concu iage apour pere le er of a child conlarriage is - the hus final resultofthree of monogamous
the monogamous true to its historical rly reveals the anen the man and the ed in the man's exacy, it exhibits in me oppositions and as those in which n moving, without : or overcome them, it into classes at the >ivilization. I am of course, only of monogamous martrimonial life actuzording to the origithe whole institue the wife rebels band's supremacy. es turn out thus, as better than the Gerwho can no more n the home than he , and whose wife, wears the trousers of. But, to make up rs himself far above panion in misforftener than to him, | worse happens.
mily
March, 1998 o Voice of Women o 7

Page 10
Marriage Ad
lisabel Guymer
Marriages evolve and change over time due to economic factors, social mobility, urbanization, access to media, and outside exposure. Arranged marriages in Sri Lanka still take into consideration caste, ethnicity and religion, and upholds property or money transactions between different families when marriage contracts are entered. Marriage procedures have, however, changed since the nineteenth century with the onset of capitalism and through the introduction of regulation by law.
In Sri Lanka, the practise of arranged marriages is still common. This was traditionally done with the help of the village 'match maker or through relatives. In modern Sri Lankan Society, the development of the mass media has contributed to changes in the way a masriage is arranged, in particular, the marriage arrangements of the middle class. Newspapers offer a more efficient and economical way of finding partners for those who consider traditional as well as modern attributes in contracting a marriage. Although advertising in newspapers is open to anyone, the type of advertisers in the English media are drawn mainly from the middle to upper classes, evident by the types of professions and the amount of dowry.
/Vеиvspapers
Voice of Women sought to discover the basis of how new families are Created by the newspaper advertisements. We examined 7699 marriage advertisements in 7 he Sunday Observer. The advertisements placed were mostly by par
8 o Voice of Women o March, 1998
ents, and describ ily they are, and gion, and class th tising in a newsp nient Way for arra "The marriage ad tem makes direc between two par out the help of m as 'match mak kapuwas, and tht economical and
of contracting m of mass media f riages is an indic institution of mar has been adapte practises. Howev
these advertise
Suggest a strong traditional norms terested in choos an opportunity t the traditional as attributes (Ranas
Gender Roses
The evolution oft ated and enforce ties based on the and Women do. F
 

vertisements
e the 'type of famwhich caste, reliey belong. Adver)aper is a convenging a marriage. fertisement Sys -
t Communication ties feasible withiddlemen, known ers" or magu ll JS offers a more practical method arriages. The use or arranging maration of how the riage in Sri Lanka d to commercial ver, the nature of
ments does not departure from ; it gives those insing their partners O consider both well as modern singhe S. 1977)."
he family has cred gender inequalitypes of work men amily systems still
enforce these inequalities. Differences based on labour distinctions result in economic inequality, but inequalities have also arisen from the politics of the family, such as the way the kinship system operates and produces alliances, and in the way hereditary patterns often favour males. In the newspaper advertisements, gender roles were clearly defined.
Not only were the occupations and
behavioural characteristics of brides
defined, but also their housekeep
ing abilities. In some advertise
ments seeking grooms, the bride's
father's or brother's occupation was
given.
in many Societies, girls are groomed for marriage from an early age. They are taught to Cook, to Sew, and are taught obedience. High priority is placed on the virginity of women. Men, on the other hand, have been given more freedoms within society, and these freedoms have been enjoyed by them since boyhood. Most of the advertisements were placed by parents, but it is interesting to note that there were less ads Seeking brides, thus reflecting the freedoms that men have in meeting partners on their own. Another interesting feature in our study was that grooms are more likely to place the ad themselves on behalf of themselves.
Virginity
Virginity is a valued 'gift that a woman brings into the marriage transaction. "Women's sexuality is most often seen as the property of her family and valued as her marriage price. In marriage, a

Page 11
woman's Sexuality is not her own but is to be guarded for use by others. A violation of women's sexuality is not so much a violation of another adult's choice to participate in sexual relations outside the socially condoned arena, but rather the violation of property belonging to another man (father, brother, husband). In most societies a rape devalues a woman Socially, and her own suffering and pain is of Secondary concern in the society's eyes (O'Connell 1994:19)."
In Sri Lanka certain customs ensure the virginity of the bride. "In the South of Sri Lanka, a marriage custom exists which expresses the vulnerable position of the girl in this part of the country. Here, the girl's virginity is not only highly valued but is also tested by the bride's mother in law after the wedding night (Postel 8 Shrivers 1980:61)." This test is the examination of the bed sheet for spots of blood. Other customs follow which publicly declare whether the bride was a virgin at the time of marriage. These customs can reSut in the humiliation of the bride and her family. If the bride passes the Virginity test, she dresses in red for her home coming and her mother in law will greet her with red flowers. If she fails, she will be forced to wear a white saree for her home coming and her new mother in law will greet her with white flowers instead of red ones. The bride's family will not be served eats by the hosts, and will often be asked to help themselves to food laid out on a side table and not from the ceremonia table (Basanayake 1991:5)."
AParenta/ Duties
In most arranged marriages, it is the parents who arrange the marriages for their children. Arranged marriages are not necessarily forced, but girls often feel compelled to obey the decisions of their parents.
In today's modern Sri Lanka, girls are still brought up to be obedient
to their parents, by newspaper whichare predor parents. Most de ters as "obedient "Wellmannered", ditional values". Crease or maint cial position is e per advertiseme and caste are SO and when the p male members highlighted.
"Respectab, Govi parent seek educa sional parti pretty Unive ate daughte Well manne tured. Dowr land, jew household i with copy of
Caste
A Caste isa rigi which is usually flects a family's even if the type ally defined by C practised by mer
γ.
in Sri Lanka, the is an important
suitable marriag this could be a r ceptance of an a
In most of ther tisements eXami thing declared b party is caste. 6 clared their cas grooms declarec
Many cultures thr practise a syster Lanka, the Sinha caste Conscious,

nd this is evident advertisements inantly placed by cribe their daugh"well behaved",
or "respecting trahe desire to inin a family's sorident in newspants when dowry often mentioned, ofessions of the of the family are
Le Buddhist s in Colombo ted profester for their rsity Gradupr. 25 5 '5 ". red and cully in cash or ellery and tens. Reply ' horosc In
d Social division hereditary. It resocial standing, of work traditionaste is no longer mberS Of the fam
concept of caste component for a je, and perhaps eason for the acrrangement.
ewspaper adver
ned, the very first
y the advertising
S9% of brides de
te, and 59% of
theirs.
Jughout the World h of caste. In Sri la Buddhists are but caste identity
is more strong amongst the Sri Lankan Tamils and the Indian plantation Tamil minority. Most times a caste can be identified by a person's SU ae.
Caste becomes an important factor in a marriage proposal, and even Sri Lankan Christians and Catholics will identify their caste. Professor S.T. Hettige, anthropologist from the University of Colombo, believes that caste is important in one's identity, just as nationality is important.
Educatsona/ Leve/
The majority of newspaper advertisements in The Sunday Observer, particularly advertisements seeking grooms, will state that they want a partner who is educated. The educational level of the prospective partner is used to upgrade a family's Social standing. A bride's family will often advertise for a husband with equal or better academic qualifications or profession, and the groom will in turn benefit in that if he is chosen as the new husband, he will get a better dowry.
Of the newspaper advertisements, 87% of brides requested the groom to be a professional. A woman's educational level does not constitute a part of her dowry, even though she may be in a high income bracket. Her educational status can, however lead to marriage to a partner of a better social standing than her own family.
It is interesting to note that in the majority of advertisements in 'The Sunday Observer,' the groom or his family will request an "educated bride" or and English speaking bride", but few will ask for a professional one.
Only 54% of advertisements seeking brides examined by Voice of Women requested a professional bride. Some advertisements clearly stated that they want their prospective bride to be a teacher or a homemaker.
March, 1998 O Voice of Women o 9

Page 12
Dоиvry
Dowry is wealth brought into the husband's family by the bride through marriage, and reflects the social standing of the bride's family. In newspaper advertisements, the families of brides will often state exactly the contents of the dowry - the house, the jewellery, and the salary the bride earns.
Of the advertisements examined, 87% of ads seeking grooms declared dowry.
Horoscopes
Horoscopes are an important deciding factor in a marriage. Parents rely on them in the arrangement to ensure compatibility between the couple.
The following of auspicious times is a traditional Sri Lankan custom and is not exclusive to Sinhalese Buddhists... Tamils follow horoScopes, and even Catholics and Christians in Sri Lanka will Consult a horoscope.
Of the newspaper advertisements examined, 41% of brides, and 52% of grooms requested to see a horoscope.
Socia/ Upgrading
The social status of a family is declared in the newspaper advertisements in many ways. For example, the professions of the male members of the bride's family are often stated in marriage advertisements in 'The Sunday Observer, thus highlighting the importance in seeking a husband of similar social standing with the males in the bride's fam
ily.
Social upgrading is a "function' of marriage, and is the result of a successful merging of caste, academic qualifications, dowry, and the reputation of the bride and her family. The bringing in of the dowry plus the profession of the husband and wife can ensure future eco
10 O Voice of Women o March, 1998
nomic stability. A tion is important, flected by many a which the pare themselves as "r
A family can alsc Status by display during a wedding in their invitees a which the recept
Gender Stereoty
Marriage adverti Sunday Observe gender stereotyp ments seeking ( will often declare traits, or physica of their daughte Same way that t dowrieS. "Wel bo behaved", "well r dient", "homey", blemished char specting traditic amongst the mos ened description tions are Wel em how obedient, h tiful their daught
Yet, parents o rarely state behaviour of the apart from perh or "non-Smoker has been divor often state "inn SOm etimes "un COn Summa sample studied were divor CeC brides were div
"A pretty br by Buddhist ents for the some and p son aged 30 in a well
Educated a school in C
assets. Hor tial.

family's reputa
and this is redvertisements in nts will define espectable".
show its Social ing their wealth ceremony, and ind the venue in ion is held.
(ping
Sements in 'The r" reflect obvious es... |ln advertiserooms, parents the behavioural characteristicS, rs in much the ney declare their rought up", "well mannered", "obe"innOCent", "Unacter", and "reonal values" are st Common shortS. Some descripbelished traits of Omely and beau
ES 86e. --
f the bride will the expected e groom wanted, naps "teetotaller" ". Where a bride Ced, it will most ocent party", and
6e V 6e te d'". Of the , 9% of grooms and 6.2% of forced.
ide is sought : Kara We parbir very handrofessional
accountant known firm. it a leading olombo. Owns
oscope essen
These gender stereotypes are an indication of how important it is for women to be controlled by their families, and how little contro vomen have Over their Own decision making. It is also the result of social conditioning that a girl child in Sri Lanka is brought up with.
The behaviour and characteristics of brides appeared in 34% of advertisements seeking grooms. Of these, only 16% specified the type of behaviour wanted from the groom, such as teetotaller or nonSmoker.
In advertisements seeking brides, 42% specified the behaviour and characteristics of the bride wanted, and only 30% declared their own behaviour and characteristiCS.
The Unmarried
The target of marriage is still seen as an important goal in a Sri Lankan Woman's life. Girls and young Women are brought up to be "looked after' by their future husbands.
Marriage is regarded as a foundation for family. A spinster or a bachelor are not family'. Marriage is seen as essential for the continuity of the family - in name, in status, and in the possession and inheritance of property. To be un married in Sri Lanka is considered 'unfortunate'.
There is also still a stigma of divorcees, and of single parent families, widows, barren women, and with 'illicit love affairs.
Un married Women Can Suffer from ill health because of the social pressures placed on them to be married. Women with a physical deformity or disability may suffer from more pressures from an early age due to the social stereotypes of beauty and attractability.

Page 13
The
Punyakante M/ijemaike
pressed the door bell. A woman answered it. She was round and plump with a face that looked like an Over-stuffed moon. She WOre a cloth with a blouse which Went Over itlungifashion. Her hair, recently washed hung in Curly strands. She smiled showing a set of evenly placed, pure white strong teeth that did not shake like dentures.
"is lady in? I told her was coming."
She flung a Cursory glance Over her shoulder into the hOUSe. "That One is there. But she is upstairs."
gave her name and repeated: "She is expecting me."
She moved her large body sideways from the door giving me Space to enter. I went past her into a Once familiar sitting room. It had not changed. Only grown old and desolate.
carpets over it. Crossed them and went to the wide staircase knew SO well in the past. Now a cobweb dangled from the upstair balcony. "Shall go up to see her? Perhaps she finds it difficult to climb down?"
The unpolished floor had faded L
The Woman shrugged her shoulders indifferently. I put one foot on the first step. A thin voice queryingly floated down like the Cobweb.
"Has SOmeOne Come? Ask her to be seated till COme down."
She spoke in Sinhala to the WOman.
The Woman gave a broad gloating smile."Now you can See? She does not want anyone to Come up the stairs and See her struggling from a dirty house-coat into a rag she calls a lungi. She still wants to be the lady she was in the past. Even if I put an arm about her to help her walk downstairs she pushes me off. Proud she is still and ungrateful."
gave a sort of half Smile. "When people grow old they
 

Visit
become set in their ways. We must understand that. What is yourname?"
"Soma," she said shortly. Then added: "But how is it the old archiammas in the village don't become ill and ungrateful? Is it because they observe Sil every poya day? I don't see that One upstairs going to the temple Or laying flowers on any altar. Is that why she is wicked?"
began to feel uneasy. I knew this old lady. She had not been wicked. If she had changed it must be because Circumstances had changed. Soma Was Strong, dominant. She now stOOd with a hand On the bannister as if to prevent me from going upstairs.
"You better sit down in the sitting rOOm as she calls it. She wants you to wait for her."
retreated into the sitting room, and sat down On ared Velvet Covered dark ebony chair. The seat Collapsed under my Weight. Soma came forward with a Smirk and guided me to a Second chair.
"Try this one it should be stronger."
sat down gingerly putting half my weight into the WOOden ledge of the chair and the other half onto my arm alongside the chair back. Soma Smiled her piano smile again.
"I just Swept this huge hall as it was full of dust. I washed her dirty clothes, I do her Cooking. But she is never grateful. She never Smiles. There is no Sweetness about her."
"Is there no other servant?"
There is a person called Banda who sweeps the kitchen and the garden. Only the two of us for this huge place."
The scraping of an ekelbroom came to my ears, muffled behind heavy red, Velvet drapings.
March, 1998 O Voice of Women O 11

Page 14
"Somal Somal", the thin voice came like the fragile Cobweb fluttering from upstairs.
"Banda! Banda!"
"She is calling someone," said uneasily.
Soma went on regardless of the calling voice. "Carpets are dirty and old. But do you know she asks me not to walk On them saying will spoil them?" "Somal Somal"
"My daughter brought much more expensive carpets than her old ones when she finally returned from the Middle East"
Finally she went upstairs in answer to the Call. Wondered where the old lady's children were, leaving her to people like Soma and Banda.
heard the Voice again, thin, agitated, like a child.
"Where are the biscuits? Where did you hide the biscuits?"
looked around me. Familiar chairs reflecting past glory. Sofas upholstered in red velvet which had faded with time, lace Curtains backed with plastic sheets to prevent Sunburning and dust COvering, but now SO torn and fragile they looked as if they would dissolve at a touch. Richmarble busts and statues to represent an age of carved ebony and gilt edged paintings. Anaked Greek boy raised his arms up as in prayer to heaven. A prayer that WOuld go unanswered.
I felt uncompfortable. My visit, well intentioned was nevertheless causing Conflict. I did not want my old friend to getinto confusion because of me. lgnoring her requestand brushing aside the Cobweb began the staircase determinedly. It was long and winding with faded carpeting Covered in a film of dust. At last reached the top step. I saw her pitifully searching inside bare cupboards for lost biscuits.
"Aunty" said loudly "don't worry about biscuits. I came to See you. I have Come up to you, I hope you don't mind."
The old lady turned. I was shocked to see how much she had aged since we last met. In the old days she had entertained lavishly all and Sundry.
She shuffled towards me in a Crumbled lungi and grasped my arm.
"Let us go down," she whispered in my ear, "there is Something must tell you." She spoke in English.
We went down slowly, she clinging fiercely to my arm. When we reached the last step she said: "She steals you
12 O Voice of Women o March, 1998

know. She stolemy silver, my cut-glass and my jewellery. NOW she has taken even the biscuits."
Behind us Soma was stomping down holding a Crushed packet of ginger biscuits. "Here are the biscuits you said were not there," she said loudly.
The old lady Opened and closed her mouth helplessly.
"I am sure I don't forget where put things," she protested. led her into the sitting room, found her a stable seat.
She pressed biscuit after biscuit on me.
Soma tried to make an exit through the heavy red velvet Curtains.
"Wait!" Cried the old lady imperiously. "Bring wine glasses."
Soma returned with two plain drinking glasses and banged them down on a table beside afrightened looking bottle.
"Where is the wine?"
"Here beside your glasses." Snapped Soma.
"Will you have some wine with your biscuits?" queried the old lady, reverting again to English.
"Nothank you aunty. I have to hurry. But will Come again S00n to see how you are faring."
Could see, even in the dim musty light produced through closed windows, that the bottle was empty. It was no match for the two large glasses.
"I can't eat," the old lady Complained as she walked me through the door. "However much try can't eat." She was emaciated, feeble and old. Compared with Soma's well nourished frame guessed easily who ate the fat and who the lean.
Soma walked me from the door to the gate. I heard the old lady's voice trailing us.
"Soma wipe your feet before youtread on my carpets."
Soma shrugged. "See what mean Missy Ungrateful, that is what she is. And she never talks to me in English although can speak it as well as her."
"Why?" thought as walked away"have her children abandoned her? Surely they must make space for her in One of their new houses"

Page 15
Ateffections
Jezima /Smali/
Here I was a widow at 56. I had just completed my Iddat period, clad in a saree that would not draw too much attention. What had to grumble about. I lived a happy or rather trouble free life with my husband for 40 years. He was good to me and everyone said he must have been religiously guarded by the teachings of our Holy Book. What didn't you have Fathima? they asked me - clothes, food, pin money, outings.
"Yes", nodded. My aunt in a protesting tone as if had denied these and maybe she felt that my tone wasn't enthusiastic.
Why he even took her on Haj - she is a Hajiani and look at her, she says nothing.
| couldn't understand this vehemence - I listened to their description of my life.
Another Voice.
She has four children and what luck two boys and two girls and they are married and now they will look after her - lucky mother. I did resemble the 'ideal widow. I know I will miss my husband. He was good to me, so protective and as people said "I had nothing to want."
was the widow: couldn't or shouldn't make the plans. The family descended on me in their number, Sons, daughters, in-laws, their in-laws - all came in to draw out my future plans.
"Look Fathima," said one. "This house is too big for you. Why bother with running it and looking after your servants. You could easily shift to your daughters."
"Lucky Fathima", said another. "You have a choice".
My Sons Came in, looked at me, and just assessed the value of the house, the rent it would fetch, argued about what should be done about the furniture.....

There was no need to consult me. was always kept happy and support there was all the time. The family was always present, not only visible but active in holding up that umbrella to shield me. Yes, thought, I am one of those fortunate ones who had nothing to bother about. What had to do, get up and take myself to a place where there were people and comfort. I looked out of the barred window. The sky was blue, the trees as green as ever, the wind was wafting the fragrance of the jasmines and the temple flowers. The jumbos were gleaming pink on the trees - I saw all this through the window. There was this tug at my heart-suddenly heard a little twitter and then it grew to a medley of chirping and I saw a flock of birds flying by. How free they were - their destiny was in their hands. The excitement to plan, the uncertainty that gave meaning to life. What a wretch I was.
was lucky Fathima - so secure in the midst of leaving life. Fathima, told myself, sit back and be content. Don't tempt fate.
March, 1998 o Voice of Women o 13

Page 16
Here was another, widowed at 26- with a little daughter. The family came in not as a wall to confine her to a limited Space, but as a Support to help her to draw upon the strength and cope with the problems. They did offer the safety, the cushioning comfort that was indeedwelcome in early days of the sharp overwhelming grief. But there was a gradual withdrawal and everything was set for the young widow to chalk out her future. And this is what she did and looking back on her life after forty years she has led a life, not a full one, naturally, but one that gave her fulfillment as a woman, an individual who lived and not existed in life.
Note: Family is a central institution of society and has certainly undergone changes. Looking at the two situations one cannot deny the supporting role it plays, but this does not mean suffocation. In the "Islamic social order the family is the first and real unit of humanity and the real cohesive force which makes civilization possible" (Afzalor Rahman) The family has a purpose and responsibility and in building the found
One To
Rosalind achchie was the most beautiful grandmother th: loved person in the house. Rosalindachchie bathed Ram all the time telling beautiful stories.
Rosalindachchie and Raminiwatched batichastakingh it a point not to talk because that would disturb the birds,
When they were not watchingbirds, Rosalindachchie to plants and helped in the garden when mother was too bus
Rosalindachchie wouldhuskcoconutsandscrapethem,
One day mother told Ramini that somebody was coming room. What happens to Rosalindachchie?
Mother said they had found a good home for her and she much and refused to accept the fact that Rosalind achchi
Mothertook Raminionce amonthto see Rosalindachch was nodding, seated in a chair waiting for them. Some d.
Ramini lost interestin Rosalindachchie because she see
14 o Voice of Women o March, 1998

ation of society its role is to help members to be actively participating in life so as not to create parasitic tendencies. The Ouaranic injunction especially towards the treatment of widows is clear - the attitude has to be humane and Compassionate. However, in the context of today in Sri Lanka with the economic irregularities and the consequences of the war, these are the deprived community especially the war widows and displaced women are undergoing privations that need not mere welfare centred programmes and but what would make them independent and self sufficient.
The family has a useful role to play but has to change its strategies of support. Much thought and reflection is needed especially amongst the women. Handouts and cushioning are just temporary, but a family has to educate its members to stand firmly on a ground that is unsteady due to subterranian currents that are destructive.
o Many
at ever was. So Ramini thought. She was Ramini's best ini, changed her clothes, combed her hair and fed her,
oney from the yellow flowers near the gate. They made
d Raminijataka stories. Sometimes they watched the y.
too. That was how she helped mother in the cooking.
home to stay and Rosalind achchie had to give up her
would have a very good time there. Ramini cried very 2 had to go.
ie, but everytime they went they had to wake her. She ys she could not remember Raminiatall.
ned to be so distant, so different now.

Page 17
DOMESTC
Vicki Cornish
Domestic violence remains an issue which has been greatly under-researched in Sri Lanka. Many would like to believe that it does not take place at all, but preliminary studies have shown that the incidence of domestic violence is as high as 60% in some areas (Deraniyagala 1992). Many people do not like to discuss domestic violence because they consider it a private or even shameful matter. As a result, it is also one of the most under reported crimes in our society. Social attitudes towards domestic violence must change if we are to create a society which no longer condones or remains silent on any forms of violence against women.
"I am not allowed to utter the slightest sound. Our neighbours have no idea of what goes on here. They think we are a happy married couple"
- Swarna, 45
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is about power and control. The perpetrator denies his partner's right to disagree with him and uses abusive strategies to dominate and control her. These strategies may include:
* physical abuse (eg. punching, hitting, slapping, shoving, choking and use of weapons against her)
* sexual abuse or rape
* emotional and psychological abuse (eg. demeaning her in public, humiliating her, making comments designed to make her
feelworthless, th injure her) *economic abus her of basic need and money)
* social abuse (e. ofcontact with fi tives, constantly monitoring her m
Despite common violence occurs i. irrespective of na gion, race or emp
Build-up Phasa
Honeymoon phase
* Ernehmot
- ... denia of Prewires
the victims are w small number of this abuse. The a follows a pattern the Cycle of abu:
The cycle moves oftension to an e abuse. This is fo feelings of remo) the perpetrator. H to "buy back" he trust with promi. period of relativ but the tensions

VIOLENCE
eatening to
} (eg. depriving s such as food
... depriving her iends or relafollowing her and ovements)
myths, domestic n families tionality, reliloyment. Most of
As this cycle gains momentum, his power over her increases and her capacity to escape decreases. It is this control that violent men achieve over women that frequently traps them in violent relationships.
"He just beats me for the slightest excuse. Once Iforgot to put down the mosquito net when the children were asleep and he beat me - shouting at me about how hard he works to earn money for us and how I do nothing."
- Sumana, 29
CYCLE OF ABSE
What causes domestic violence?
The causes of domestic violence are found in the unequal power Structures between men and women in our society. Commonly stated causes
omen, although a men also suffer buse often
as illustrated in se above.
from a build up xplosion of lowed by se on behalfof He may even try raffection and es and gifts. A : calm may follow »on builds again.
such as alcohol consumption, stress, emotional trauma or provocation by the woman serve only as excuses to alleviate the perpetrator of responsibility for his actions.
Alcohol does reduce inhibitions and may contribute to violent expressions, but it is not the cause ofviolence. Violent men bring their abusive attitudes and behaviours into a relationship rather than being driven to violence by issues within it.
March, 1998 O Voice of Women o 15

Page 18
"I have not really thought about whether all this is justified or not. I suppose it is my fate." - Sakunthala, 65
In Sri Lanka today a concept of male supremacy still persists. Men are expected to be dominant and maintain power and control. One of the methods of achieving this, particularly for me who feel inadequate in relation to male stereotypes, is through the use of violence. Men and women are therefore conditioned to accept domestic violence as a man's right.
"He is not violent towards anyone else, only me. If we have an argument and I argue back, he beats me a few times." - Rizana, 30
Abusive men cannot be identified by their physical appearance, their cultural background or their social status. Often they are violent only toward their partners; to the rest of their community they appear as law abiding citizens. Studies have shown that violence is learned from an early age, either by being a direct victim or by exposure to its use. When violence is ignored or tolerated by the family and society as a whole, children accept it as a way of life. They see violence as a powerful means of exerting control and do not learn non-violent methods of conflict resolution. In this way the cycle of violence can be passed on from one generation to the next.
"I cannot think of leaving home. I have no proper home to go to nor do I want people to find out about all this. If people find out I will have difficulties giving my children in marriage... it is just not proper to obtain a divorce." - Nimal, 46
There are many women stay in v ships. Often the want the relation wants the violen Lanka women a financially depe abuser and fear of a home for the children. They a about the social with divorce and ramifications of children. The ab threaten the victi violence should: leave, thereby st hold over her. M simply feel they go or no one to t
What can we as about domestic
Domestic violen issue for whicht solutions. It is a male desire for c. as a society we m values and attitu power and contr( devalue women. structure that ena womento contin ignored or accep
Breaking downs entrenched attitu easy task. Wome is one organizati who have taken ( committed thems elimination of do and all forms of \
WOITՈՇՈ,
WINoperate cris Colombo, Matar where counsellin and befrienderse free of charge to violence.
16 o Voice of Women o March, 1998

easons why olent relationwoman does not ship to end, she eto stop. In Sri 2 frequently dent on the osing the security mselves and their e often concerned tigma associated the possible his on their iser may also m with greater he attempt to engthening his any women have no where to urn to for help.
a society do violence?
ce is a complex here are no easy manifestation of ontrol; therefore hust challenge the des that attribute ol to men and It is this power ables abuse of ue, often silently ted by society.
uch culturally des however is no n in Need (WIN) on in Sri Lanka bn this task and elves to the mestic violence iolence against
is centres in a and Kandy g, legal advice rvices are offered victims of
Obviously changes in attitudes that have allowed domestic violence to become so prevalent will not occur overnight. However, by examining the causes, supporting the victims and discussing the issues related to domestic violence, we can work towards reducing its incidence in our society.
Victims' quotes taken from case studies in Domestic Violence, by Sonali Deraniyagala, published by Women in Need, 1992

Page 19
M/Omen Head
The proportion of female-headed households in Sri Lanka has increased to 21 percent in 1994, from 16 percent in 1981 and 19 percent in 1992. This was revealed at a workshop on Protection of the Rights of Female Headed Households organized by the Women's Bureau of Sri Lanka.
Female-headed households have emerged as an increasingly important constituency in Sri Lankan society and for policy makers.
In a paper published on "FemaleHeaded Households in Situations of Armed Conflict" presented by the Coordinator of the Women and Media Collective, Dr. Sepali Kottegoda, it was identified that the number of households in poverty has significantly increased in the last two decades. Social and economic change, especially in the rural areas where women have been forced to take on major responsibility for income generation and food production has been the major cause for this shift.
Studies have also shown that in the Dry Zone villages, women's contribution to family income is relatively greater, although women's wages are lower than that of mens. Women earn only 25 percent of income earned by men.
The increase in the number of female headed households is mainly attributed to the political upheavals experienced in the form of social strife in the South of the country in the late 1980s and early 1990s, and the ongoing war in the North and East.
For over two dec; tion of Sri Lanka scale displaceme ances and the dea members.
According to the Rehabilitation an by the end of 199 785,187 persons placed, 75,377 of children under fiv significant numb widows are repor emerged as femal households in rec
Official informati headed householc to describe them a with 'widows', 'vu 'destitute women' women'. This is d that in the North, South, female hea are a significant p population and a sible for the care
In the south easte Moneragala, whe place in the late has shown that th comprised of 59
As the overall av composition rate one female to on implication of thi these female heac are a new phenon several reasons fr of female headed within the past tw reasons have bee Samuel Report () holds affected by in the North and

ing the Family
des, the popula- killed in action; (ii) death of
has seen large spouse subsequent to arrest or nt, disappear- abduction; (iii) spouse 'disappears' th of family with no eyewitness present; (iv)
spouse has fled to escape harassment, arrest, detention or death
Ministry of and his whereabouts known or d Reconstruction, unknown; (v) spouse has aban6, a total of doned his family to join a militant had been dis- organization; (vi) families sepathem were rated in the course of flight and fe years of age. A spouse cannot be located. »rofyoung ted to have The research on female headed e heads of households highlights the reasons ent years. why women become heads of
households.
on on female ls still continues Courtesy of "Gender Manushi" as households LAWID lnerable women', Vol 3, Issue 11 and 'unsupported Jan 1998.
espite the fact East and the ided households broportion of the 'e wholly responof their families.
rn district of re violence took 980s, a study e population now percent females.
rage population in the country is : male, the s study is that edhouseholds henon. There are Dr the emergence households to decades. These n identified in the 994) on housethe ongoing war East, (i) spouse
March, 1998 O Voice of Women o 17

Page 20
"Head of Household"
Rukshani Welihinda
One of the provisions of the Women's Charter, a policy document that recognizes the rights of women states,
"The State shall redefine the term 'Heads of Household" so as to ensure women's contribution to household be recognized and that women have equal access with men to all development programmes, distribution of benefits and entailed benefits".
Women are very rarely given the place of head of household in society even though they shoulder most of the household responsibilities as the major constraint that prevented women from getting gainful employment.
Though having to perform dual roles no matter what job responsibilities she has, the woman whether she is a single parent, homemaker or career woman, society's attitude to women is under-valued to a great extent.
In my home, my mother has al ways been worthy of the defined or re-defined term "Head of Household". This does not mean that I under estimate the importance or paternal role of my father.
My father met with an accident when Iwasjusta child. Hiscondition gradually worsened and he became confined to bed.
18 e Voice of Women o March, 1998
My mother was my brother and
She shouldered bilities and w Whether it be a ing our educati problem or whe seriously ill, sh do.
She made the handled the fina
Slure We Were
anything.
The rest of the uncles, cousins realize this. The vice when it cam matters. Her fr also lost the Sup bands began to a mentor. They advice and wa strong, as confid dent as she is.
My mother once I was growing u everything for n ried your father for me, now that assistance of yo learnt to do thin
And she did as ing things by he me through life.
The thing that I my mother is th the finances res

Redefined
always there for
C.
all the responsias in control. issue concernon, a household n my father took e knew what to
ight decisions, ances and made not deprived of
family, aunts, , etc., began to y sought her adle to their family iends who had port of their huslook upto her as came to her for anted to be as entandindepen
told me, "When p my father did he, when I mardid everything I don't have the ur father, I have gs by myself."
uperb job of dorself and guides
most admire in at she managed Nurcefully.
My brother and I completed an uninterrupted primary, secondary and tertiary education thanks to mother.
My brother, an Attorney-at-Law like my father, and Iajournalist, are forever indebted to her for keeping the family together.
I have heard of women who have not been strong enough to keep their family together, allowed the children to go astray and run through the finances in the absence of the husband.
But here is a woman whose children did not go astray, managed the finances, still does, and looked after a sick husband until his demise.
When I entered my mother in a "supermum" competition and she was chosen as one of the top ten mothers of Sri Lanka, I wrote this of her:
"My adorable mother's heroic and selfless nature came to the surface when my father was af. flicted with Parkinson's disease. In spite of this traumatic experience, my mother's encouragement and support helped my brother and I to complete an uninterrupted education. She still nurses my father whose condition continues to deteriorate." Published in the Sunday Leader, May 1995.

Page 21
Death on th
Jane Russell
Bring Her Back We say again
Dr. Russell was deported on the 17th April 1996 due to her failure to renew her visa. She had lived in Sri Lanka for two decades and obtained her doctorate at the Peradeniya University. She is a renowned scholar and academic who wrote many books on Sri Lanka. We made an appeal to the authorities on her behalfandour newsletter of April 1996 said "Bring back Dr. Russell. We need he'. In this poem that is reproduced here, note how much of this country is in her mind'sodden with memory" and our unförtunate var:
I'm crossing Market Jew Street, I'm humming "Death on the Iron Guitar": I'm sure you will not die yet Though you're twenty years ahead of me - I'm living in a dreamworld, I'm humming "Death on the Iron Guitar".
I'm back in the island paradise, I'm humming "Death on the Iron Guitar": There are riots in the streets, the rattle of AK-47s, And you're having curfew parties, But I'm sure you'll not die yet - Though you're smoking more than a battalion of guns;
I'm humming "Death on the Iron Guitar".
There are Corpses in the dried-up paddy fields, Bits of bodies burning on tyres by the roadsides, You're coughing more than laughing now; I'm humming "Death on the Iron Guitar" - But surely you won't die yet? Though soldiers on both sides Always think they're winning - They're all living in a dreamworld, Singing "Death on the Iron Guitar".

e Iron Guitar
?
爵
ģ
ģ ġ
March, 1998 e Voice of Women o 19

Page 22
We're dropping you off at Charles Circus In the old Morris Oxford estate car; We're on Our way to a death-bed; I'm humming, "Death on the Iron Guitar" But I still think you won't die yet Though you're drunker than a stand-up comic: I'm living in a dreamworldIt's the last time I'll see you (in this life).
I'm Smoking cigarettes in Camberwell, I'm humming "Death on the Iron Guitar", But still I can't believe that you'll die yet Though a beloved voice from a long-distance Tells me you're breathing pure Oxygen Fed through a mask - Your lungs, it seems, have turned to ash: Was this our dreamworld, This death on the iron guitar?
You died on a darkening Bak poya (death on the iron guitar) Your mother's wallclock must have chimed a carillon From the house behind: The incessant rains filled up the reservoirs - There'll be power enough to drive The nation's dreamWorld: Death on the Iron Guitar.
In twenty-four hours you were cremated, The hindu way. Not much to burn in your case - A sunken body, some bones, a moustache, A set of buck teeth, a stout heart; But this refrain must have sounded somewhere in Kanatte - What was the nature of this dreamworld - Where I was crossing Market Jew Street And knew you would not die yet Though you were twenty years ahead of me And I was humming and humming, Like one possessed, this single line That just wouldn't go away - "Death, death, death on the iron guitar"?
Night in the Female Gaol in Kandy Quiet in the female Gaol: Sleeping bodies on the floor Wrapped in Sarees, cloths and towels: The gaoler sleeps on her bunk behind her locked door:
20 O Voice of Women o March, 1998

縱
繆 滋 密

Page 23
Roses grow in the tiny garden Where the drain runs with faeces And the putter of rain Falls on the old tile roof.
The chant from the Dalada Maligawa Can be heard softly rising and falling Before the misty, chilly dawn.
The English clock at St. Andrews Still drives the hours Long after the colonial age has gone.
Babies suckling milkyOwl Softly and their mothers shush them As they turn in their crowded cell to the wall.
Someone relieves themselves in the pail - All quiet in the female gaol.
On the problem of arriving at Rigpa Bana in Free Verse Deconstructing the ego is the first- and lastproblem
The body is easy: it takes care of itselfWinding down, going ragged, dessicated, holey.
It's the "creature within" which refuses to wither gracefully away. Sodden with memory, it clings to experience of "me, my mine".
In fearfulness, like a city, it adds and adds unto itself, Building walls upon walls - a very celebration of cellular Compartmentalisation - until separated from its Orıgın By uncountable layers of discrete remembrances, It finds itself imprisoned in its bulwarks - As cornered as Hitler in his bunkerAnd it cannot, cannot, physically cannot Dissolve into nothingness That all things end in.....
"Deconstructing the ego is the first- and lastproblem....."

March, 1998 o Voice of Women o 21

Page 24
The Family Prote
the family'.
Three women reflect upon their experiences about
First Woman
The Other Profection FaCket
To me the family is the other protection racket. The family is more deadly that all the godfathers put together. The family unit oppresses women and forms the nucleus of patriarchy. To explode the nucleus will have consequences far greater, in social terms, than a nuclear holocaust will have for life on earth. But a happier one - in my view. Whatever the definition of family is, its primary function is to socialize people into the norms of that society, This is why the family has so much power - for it influences all our 'subsequent ties. What choices we have about what ties to form and how to live a 'norma' life stem from Our first social unit - the family.
Whether the family model be eastern, western, poor, rich, white, black, ancient, modern, one-parent, Communal (multi-parent), extended or nuclear, all the forms are only cosmetic. Underneath them all, with the culture and the colour taken off, the function of the family remains the same. That function being the servicing of the power that be, and that power is patriarchy. To do that, women have to be suppressed and be made to serve the men. The family is bad for women.
So women are the first colony.
22 O Voice of Women o March, 1998
Colonies are kept the acquiesence while back-up v. when such acqu lenged. Of course can actually be "r status quo then it fight to keep it g miliar?
That "wanting' is d dren. I see childré colony. No child lation from the fa function of the socializing of th that Children se needs first, befo needs can be m
made to becom children are help that women will
patriarchal values eration, they are children. One CC the other and 1
 

Ction Racket
going mainly by of the Colonized, iolence is used iesence is chale if the Colonized made to like the is they who will oing. Sounds fa
one through chilan as the second is wanted in isomily set up. The amily being the se young, means arve the family re the children's het. Women are
he' helpless, but ess. To the extent want to transmit to the next genë in Charge over olony looks after he men extract
gratitude from both. If women were to subvert the children, say by the transmission of feminist values - children's care would be given to men (as lesbian custody cases show).
To the extent that women succeed in this vital role, they get the occasional Crumbs from the men (the ring, the house, the name). To the extent that women fail, they are annihilated. The annihilation task is usually left to the 'good' women who can weed out the 'bad' women, that is those women who do not conform to the 'family' model - however 'fancy', traditional or progressive that model might
be.
Until women see their Complicity in this system, no alternative kind of Social formation is really possible. Most women are exhausted, not only in servicing men but in putting down Women who 'deviate'. This complicity is mainly done through the institution of motherhood - in my view. This is why even when mothers have moved away from men, they still hold on to coercive ways of thinking - that is, the thinking of patriarchy.
Because motherhood is seen as 'superior" to nonmotherhood, non-mothers are colonized by mothers. So instead of serving the family man, the unattached women serve the family woman. In my view this is still patriarchy.

Page 25
In traditional Societies 'single' women who are not servicing a man, have their energies neatly harnessed to serve men as groups. In other words, until recently, by law only unmarried women could stay on in the civil service. And who ran the Victorian hospitals, Schools Set? In the Third World it is the elder daughters who bring up the children.
This leads me to the caring jobs done by women which are low paid, have low status, but carry the ideology "that great will be your reward in heaven'. As child care is compulsory for women whether they are mothers or not, and because women are expected to want to, and to like to be with children, they are also unpaid and therefore all other caring has to follow that practice. How can there be a real choice about having babies if the accepted norm is that women must baby-sit full stop. Why give me contraception, and abortion on demand, only to take away my right to do what I wish with my time and energy? If not having a baby means 'choice', why is baby-sitting such a drag? And what about elderly parent sitting? Why are single women lumbered with their old relations? And to indicate the family set-up ideology in Britain, people willy nilly tell me to leave my parents if they are a bother, but they don't tell me to leave my children. In some countries women are forbidden to leave parents and children. What choice is their really? Who we live with depends more on housing problems than on a tissue of lies about family ties. Yet the myth continues
When men are involved in the caring, they are the consultants, the policy makers and the architects. It is my opinion that not unti/ unless women stop colluding with patriarchy through the agency of motherhood, will women get any recognition for their caring. How to use motherhood for women, ie feminism, is our next task, but only if motherhood can be seen as part of any other activity - not as some
sacrosanct religic questioned. To po of choice, to try t decisions, to try
quences, to try te greed, giving/de. only do I have to Contradictions a concerned, but the whole world does revolve arou motherhood is it
If all this seems t( you, see what
move away from of the family, hov fined. Or more to ine your attitudet to defy conventio lenge assumpti them with the job thing better is a
your responsibil making a better V real unity betwe earth shattering the possibility of ery facetof life as without vigorous We be liberated?
Because the ho: dous, it is almost move away from keep our life and the price. Hence piece....'The O Racket'.
by 'Shahazadi
Second Wom
Another Protect
At the age of el one girl teasing a play, you're adop left you in the dus knew I was a been told to kee to myself. We liv which the biolog ily is seen as the Women who 'ch children are see children without essarily seen as
turbed. The prob

n that cannot be nder the problem D take conscious to forSee Conse) focus on need/ manding etc, not grapple with the round the issue also have to fight And the world nd the family and s main pillar.
bo far fetched for happens if you yOur StatuS CquO, wever loosely dethe point, examO those who dare ns and who chalOns. To umber of finding someway of avoiding ity to engage in world. This is why en women is an feat - therein lies scrutinizing evs we know it, and scrutiny how can
stility is tremensuicidal to try to the family; we sanity(?) and pay the title of this ther Protection
2
for?
even || Overheard nother, "You Can't ted, your mother tbin". I kept quiet; dopted and had ) the information 'e in a society in iCal nuclear famonly way to live. ose not to have n as weird, and parents are necdeprived and dislem may not be
that there are children who do not live with their parents but that everything in Our Society is arranged around the family (mother's day, father's day, parent's evenings etc).
have been told that was lucky to have been adopted, that I could have been left in the home; however it was not an easy childhood. There are problems in families - adoption merely adds another dimension to these relationships. took to the world of fantasy, waiting for my real mother, the prinCess, to Come and take me to a life of love and luxury. Sometimes think I'm still waiting for her, but mostly I know that I will have to make my own life.
realize that much has changed since was adopted; however many of the feelings are still the same. Adopted children are now allowed to see their original birth certificate at 18. However, no help is given to those who wish to trace their parents. I found it very diffiCult to talk about my adoption to my parents without them feeling threatened.
Adoption has many implications for women. The mother who "gives up' her baby is often viewed as un natural and feels guilty. The woman who cannot give birth may be made to feel inferior, not a natural woman somehow. The adopted child is expected to feel grateful for the protection of the family. In return for this protection, the child if female, will be expected to care for her parents in their old age and repeat the process ... wedding ...children ...grandchildren, wedding, children, grandchildren, until someone dares to deviate!
by Kathleen Widmer
March, 1998 e Voice of Women o 23

Page 26
Third Woman
Wo Protection? /
Family is an animal but it walks on two legs but it has no hands but it speaks but it does not listen but it thinks but it does not understand but it has a face like humans but it is the ghost of the ancients but it is an organism but it has no Soul but it does breathe but it looks like the fractured skeleton of old dinosaurs but it lives in humans but it devours like beasts but it is enchanting but it has the teeth of vampires but it looks like a woman but it is a bitch.
by Noori (Pakistan)
From 'Spare Rib" Magazine London, Issue 135
24 O Voice of Women o March, 1998
G
Where are you out alone?
How can I be have Some wo
Beeta, don't b people think? member of th:
Men do not w
own way.
Well, I too do yOu.
How can I me I will get disg
Are you worri
Of course I wi should also th
You make me you? You have
Don't be stupi You need a far
What can a fau played her out foolish one IV beats his wife. she to do?
You always se the others. Yo
I hope you wi
 

OING HOME
going, Beeta? Didn't father ask you not to go
alone? The road is full of people. Besides, I rk to do. Nobody can do it for me, Seela.
do naughty. You are a young girl. What will Haven't you got a family? Besides, I am also a it family. Do I want to be disgraced
ant to marry a self willed woman who goes her
not want to marry these men. They are for
urry before you do? And if you behave this way raced and nobody will want to marry me, either.
ed if nobody marries you?
ll be. Who will look after me later in life? You ink of yourself.
laugh, Seela. Why should anybody look after a job, a good education and a healthy body.
d, Beeta. All these things cannot protect you. mily with a good name.
mily do for me? What did it do for Renu? He
and she tried to kill herself. That one is a would say. Family can't help you at times. Neris That is taken as her family beating her. What is
the other side, Beeta. Just to be different from u will learn your lesson one day.
ll also learn your lesson. It's good for you.

Page 27
Family
A fourteen year old schoolgirl is repeatedly raped by her father while her mother is away in the middle east. Then one day her brother forces her to have sex with him. When she finds herselfpregnant, she attempts suicide. But a neighbour rescues her and takes her to a counselling centre.
In anotherincident, a teenager pours kerosene over her body and setsherself ablaze after an argument with her mother.
Reasons as trivial as an argument to ones as grave as rape have driven more than 2,000 Sri Lankan women to suicide. In 1995, at least 2,263 women killed themselves by burning, taking poison,
Although psychi are better equiped as they are entrus bilities during chi ing number ofwo suicide.
"It is the pressure society that drive v said Kumari Jay Social Scientists marriage a won shoulder more These pressures co unbearable."
"Suicide andatter
common among who have been mental and phys
drug overdoses, throwing themselves against moving trains and hanging.
"Jilted love, marital problems, poverty and depression are some of the common causes that drive women to suicide," said Richard Luis, Co-Director of
Sumithrayo, a counselling centre. The most vulnerable
group are those between 14 - 25.
"While suicides
among men are as high as 6,256 in 1995, the number of
attempted suicides by women was higher," said Dr G.P.C. Wijesinghe, a consultant psychiatrist.
Padma Kahaduw Need, a Colomb tion working for
 

Kills
trists say women o cope with stress ed with responsidhood, a disturbmen still resort to
s of a patriarchal omento Suicide," awardena, of the Association. "In an is forced to responsibilities. uld sometimes be
npted suicides are married women subject to severe ical abuse," said
abused women. "Many newly wedded women had killed themselves over the virginity test, an entrenched Sinhala marriage custom."
Lesbians and homosexuals too commit Suicide, with Somewomen discovering they are lesbians only after marriage.
In 1994, 370 jilted lovers killed themselves. Said Mr. Luis: "These girls are lured into sexual relations with promises of marriage by boys, but once they are pregnant, their partners often dump them. The victims are then rejected by parents and feel they have no alternative but to end their lives."
"Parental objection to
love affairs among
teenagers has pushed many to take their lives out of despair," said MS. Jayawardena. This is a serious problem in rural areas where for
bidden love affairs
are frowned upon by the whole village.
Even exams have become a matteroflife and death. The competitve nature of the O Level and A Level examination has put a lot of pressure on students. Unable to make the grade or satisfy parents' expectations,
a, of Women in based organizahe welfare of
some students commit suicide. In 1994, at least 21 schoolgirls took their lives when they flunked the exams. Once a student made a pyre out of
March, 1998 o Voice of Women o 25

Page 28
her books and threw herself into it.
The present exam oriented education system has to change, says academic Anne Abeywardena. "Parents have to lay less stress on exam results."
Suicides are also common among housemaids. Those who have worked abroad for many years find it difficult to strike root again.
According to the Community Centre for Mental Health, the girls working in the Free Trade Zone are another group vulnerable to suicide. Married and unmarried men lure them into love affairs and then sexually exploit and dump them.
Counselling and a healthy mental upbringing are the only means of overcoming suicide, said Dr Gamini Premathillake, consultant psychiatrist at the Angoda Mental Hospital.
However, though Sri Lanka has been rated with the highest number of suicides for some time, little remedial action has been taken.
Suggestions by the Commission on the National Plan for Mental Health have not materialized. There are few NGOs dedicated to the cause of mental health and fewer still that provide in-house treatment. The state services are limited to one hospital which houses a limited number. "Counselling is very essential and there should be more psychologists and counsellors in schools and universities," said Chintha Balasooriya of Women in Need.
Courtesy "Gender Manushi"
Vol 3, Issue 10, October 1997
26 o Voice of Women o March, 1998

Page 29
/VIDOM
Sa//y /hỉruchandram
Widowhood has come to be recognized as a SOcial institution with Customs and practises spelled Outin detail. The practices included tonsure, giving up Ornaments, giving up foodsrich inspices and aroma, caking heads with mud and sleeping Onstone beds. These practices are aliento a Culture that allowed widow re-marriage, asisevident from the Customs still followed by the low caste Tamils, other tribal SOcieties in South India, and the Sri Lankan Tamils. This is an instance of regional variation due topatriarchalculturesinfluencing Hinduism.
The impact of Buddhism was another significant factor which influenced the practises and customs pertaining to widowhood. There are Customs Commonly known as kaimai mOmpu which means 'widow penance' or 'widow aSCeticism.
The extreme asceticism expected of widowed women has parallels in the ascetic code of Buddhism and Jainism. Shaving the head, wearing robes, restricting food habits, giving up luxuries andmaterial things and sexual abstinence, (self-denial in general) are part of a COde of Conduct for Buddhist and Jaina monks. The word nonpuis etymologically linked to the idea of Buddhist penance. Brahmanical Hinduism picked up these ideas and instituted them as good for their widowed women. They were expected to wear White, and among Some castes they had to remove theirtopgarments. This mode of dress resembles the robes of Buddhist monks. The Concept of chastity was now modified and made inclusive of a self-denial COde for Women whose husbands were no longer enjoying the pleasures of life. Hence, in this process the Buddhist c0de ofrenunciation isimposed On Women.
The whole ideolog trolling the sexuality rivations by way of Sexual appetite an the mode of dress areto diminish her SI Thus Women's Sexu eXclusive poSSessi The ritualized patte which symbolized n
ܓܠ
ܢܠ
and World rejection high Caste norms di Ods of history hadi Dhama Shastras.
What then was the triarchainstitution? ( Women who Own take the property w remarried. The husb no longer have acCE the WOman marrie mained single she rights over her prop

/HOOD
is directed at Confwomen. The depOOdare to Curb her the deprivation in ng and ornaments Xual attractiveness. lity had become the in of the husband. rns of widowh00d egation of sexuality
and which became Iring the latter periS beginnings in the
reason for this pa
)ne couldspeculate: ed property Would ththem when they and's brotherSCOuld ss to her property if d again. If she reWOuld assert her 3rty.
The practices and customs of widow
hood were thrust upon women who had lost their husbands. This is SOcial patriarchy's conflation with asceticism
to Create a religious patriarchy. The fact that these Customs were COm
monly practised by the Brahmin caste
could testify to the fact that these
were originally Brahmanical customs
which other Castes started to imitate in Order to climb the SOcial ladder.The practice of tonsuring of widows has further implications with Connections to Sexuality. Hair in various Cultures has symbolic meanings, signifying power, virility, vigour and vitality in men, amongWomenit meantanadditionalcharmtofemininity, bothimplicitly have connections to human sexuality. Hence absence of hair, the removal of it ritually or otherwise means absence of sex, negation of sexuality, which would lead to renunciation of it towards asceticism and the Codes of restraint are primarily the process of these achievementS.
Obeysekere has drawn our attention to the Cultural symbolic representations of hair in the religio-social practises among Hindus and Buddhists.While differentiating between the symbolic meanings of the matted hair and the shaven hair he argues that the shaven hair may suggest the principle of Castration but it is Connected to renunciation and chastity (Obeyesekere 1981:33-34). It may be noted that both are related to the principle of restraint. This custom was later practised by the royal women also implying an upper caste behaviour pattern.
These customs aimed at controlling female sexuality are indeed very violent aberrations. These are/were practised ritually and sanctioned in the Hindu scriptures.
March, 1998 O Voice of Women O 27

Page 30
Women and Family ir
Hema Goonatilake
Buddhism emerged at a time when the Indian society was going through a downward trend in the position of women, owing to the domination of a priestly caste of Brahmins and the male's unique position in sacrificial rituals.
The Buddhist emphasis on Salvation only by individual effor and the Buddha's view on the concept of equality of all humanity had a direct bearing on the relationship of males and females.
The Buddha's concept of equality made no distinction between a man and a woman just as he saw no fundamental distinction between a Brahmin and an
OUtCaSt,
In the immediate pre-Buddhistic Centuries, women were lumped together with the lowest strata of the existing slave hierarchy. The "Sudras, slaves and women" were prohibited from reading the Vedas.
A woman could not perform a sacrifice for herself and attain heaven. A man's happiness after death was ensured only by the funeral rites by his Son. And a mother was duly honoured, only if She was the mother of a Son.
In contrast, no funeral ritual was prescribed in Buddhism for a man's after-death happiness. The birth of a girl was not considered a catastrophe, in the whole of the Pali Buddhi St literature.
Yet, despite his attempts to go against the prevailing ideology at the time, the Buddha could not entirely overcome the beliefs and
practices that hac ages. He stated
"Wise parents de up the traditions heritage".
Further, some oft Of Buddhism tha individual's freed his or her respo gitimized the infe The doctrine of K was interpreted
supremacy of the to the Karma pri
tus, beauty, Weal even gender in have been dete action in the pa born a woman, it to the deeds of ted by the pers birth. Thus th women and the S are legitimized b Aarma. It is a C even today in Th Countries such Burma and Thai after doing meri aspire to be reb ture births.
28 o Voice of Women o March, 1998
 

Buddhism
d COme dovvn the
Ο ΎΟΕ .
sire sons to keep and maintain the
he very principles it recognized the om of action and nsibility for it, leriority of women. Sarma and rebirth to establish the male. According nciple, One's sta
th and power and the present birth rmined by one's st births. One is t is believed, due demerit Commiton in a previous e inferiority of superiority of men y the doctrine of ommon practice, eravada Buddhist n as Sri Lanka, land for women, torious deeds, to orn as men in fu
The Buddha also identified the comradeship of the wife, in no uncertain terms. In the Jarasutta, in answer to the question "What is the comrade supreme?, the Buddha replies "The wife is the Comrade supreme."
This is a radical departure from the attitude that prevailed at the time. Yet the old notions of servility and obedience that prevailed down the ages were still visible when the Buddha said "Best among wives is she that best ministers," and "My wife is obedient, not wanton for a long time, she has been living together (with me). She is winning and hear nothing wicked of her."
in sharp contradiction of the above is the following statement uttered by the Buddha on another occaSion. "She who stands in fear of her husband is no true wife." The Buddha reflected a part of this milieu, although he often Spoke against it. It is no Suprise that the Buddha too considered home as the recognized place for
VVOS) .
"If she were possessed of the five powers - the power of beauty, of wealth, of kin, of sons, and virtue - she dwells at home in confidence, overpowering her husband and continuing to get the better of her".
It should, however, be recommended here that Visakha, the reputed benefactoress of the Buddha, differed considerably from the average lay woman. Visakha spent more time outside the home, with the religious community, where she played a leadership role. In fact, considerable

Page 31
authority was exercized by her in maters concerning the order.
It is significant that the Buddha elevated the role of the wife to a considerable degree by institutionalizing the wife's authority in certain domains. For example, the Consent of both mother and father had to be obtained by a son or a daughter before entering the order. This practice has continued to the present day.
The ideal virtues of women as promulgated by the Buddha were as follows: i) religious devotion, ii) a Sense of shame and fear, iii) devoid of malice and animosity, iv) not jealous, v) not miserly, vi) pure in conduct, vii) virtuous and moral, viii) learned and well versed in knowledge, ix) ardent and zealous, x) mentally alert, xi) wise and Sagacious.
These virtues, it should be noted, do not refer to any traditionally accepted exclusive female virtues but are equally relevant to both men and women.
Yet, one is also struck by sayings in Buddhist texts such as "The tendency to loose and moral character is the great bane of womankind," which was not entirely in keeping with the new thinking of equality. Such sayings, Horner points out, were probably later additions by monks.
In the later Jataka literature, the woman was depicted in an even more degrading fashion. She is often the embodiment of evil, greed and lust, and is a major obstacle in the path to nirvana.
The Family in Buddhism
There are several suttas that throw light on the role of the wife/mother in the family and the relations between family members and those in the immediate society outside the family during the Buddha's time. There is no evidence to show that the socialization process that was embedded in the Buddhist family and the values upheld by
Buddhist society tinued to the pre preserving at leas values.
The relationship and wife was de
"In five ways shot ern quarter be mi husband-by res. by faithfulness, authority to her providing her wi these five ways ministered to by the Western qual duties are well pe pitality to the kin fulness, by wa goods he brings industry in discha ness." The mut shown elevated sition almost On band. The wife b recognition at ht home.
Feminist Critiqu
With the creatic female monastic Buddha opened provided alternat for women. The not only mother propounderS orp new religion. The now excel in any edge in the same male counterp Jaina manastic i ted women bef time, a Jaina f community had
Yet the Buddha's to admit women ambivalent. The on two occasion when the Buddha by his own foster Gotami to do so
Conclusions
Buddhism emer and tradition in Corded an incr position to wom

as desirable consent day Society, Some of its core
etween husband ined as follows:
da wife as westhistered to by her lect, by courtesy, oy handing Over at home, and by h adornment. In
does the wife,
her husband as ter, love him, her rformed, by hosof both, by faithching over the
and by skill and rging all her busiJal respect thus the wife to a popar with the husbegan to assume ome and Outside
e of Buddhism
n of a Buddhist e community, the new horizons and ive social options y could become S and wives, but ropagators of the y could, in theory, branch of knowcapacity as their arts. (Although order had admitore the Buddha's emale monastic not developed).
initial reluctance to the Order was Buddha declined to admit women was approached mother Pajapathi
Jed into a culture India, which acasingly inferior 2n, and it is in this
context that Buddha's concept of equality was progressive and in principle afforded an equal status to women. In practice, however, the position taken by Buddha on women was at times ambivalent. The Buddha while accepting the role play assigned to the respective genders, elevated the role played by women. These rules were really meant to alleviate the problem of monastic organizations rather than discriminate against women. In Theravade Buddhism, women could achieve the highest goal of nibbana, but some doubt was cast as to whether in female form they could become a Buddha.
The Bhikkuni order, although created with strict rules, has a history of agitation against discrimination and perhaps forms one of the earliest record of women's protest movements in history, Eventually inequality of nuns with intellectual and moral eminance was established for the first time.
Reproduced From Voice of Women Vo/3, Issue 10 July 1990
March, 1998 O Voice of Women O 29

Page 32
The Effect OfE COLOn. Law in Sri Lanka
Shireen Samarasuriya
The legal status of women or the rights of women in the law of Sri Lanka remains shrouded in mystery for the majority of women. Although aware that they have certain rights, very few women know the specificities with regard to the laws that govern them except those few women who have had to resort to the law. It is indeed a tragedy that women are sometimes severely punished by the law for the simple reason that they had no knowledge of the law or had no access to it; as in the case of the Woman who was sentenced to life imprisonment for killing her drunkard husband who had continually harassed and beaten her up for a number of years. In desperation she hit and cut him up with the kitchen knife (manna). She either did not know that divorce is possible or did not know how to go about getting one. She served her sentence in prison, while her children were left to fend for themSelves.
Laws in general are also rarely Subjected to change, the excuse being that it is cumber some to change laws especially those dealing with the Family and Marriage, in effect those concerning women.
Today, several systems of law regarding the family is applied in Sri Lanka further complicating the lay woman's / man's understanding of the appliation of the Family Law. What we are most familiar with and what we hear about most is the General Law ie, the system based on the Roman Dutch and the English Common Law. Several centuries of Colonial rule (Sri Lanka was colonised from the 16th century 1505 up to the 20th century 1948 by three colonial powers, Portugese, Dutch and British) has been successful in not only
30 o Voice of Women o March, 1998
imposing on us
based on Christia has been able
stamp out indig tems from cert Lanka altogether inces. However, lar COlOnial histOr is practicedin ce certain peoples.
The legal system which reflects Sri nic and multi-rel The majority Sir governed by the ( the Kandyan per the Kandyan pro retained the anc system in matte The Kandyan prc last to be conqu ish. In 1815 the k fel into the hands the last king of illed to die alone
The Tamils in the erned by the CI Thesawalamaiar the Muslim relig indigenous laws Sonal laws, are
gious laws. Thes Conflict with the due to the polari and cultural diffe
The Kandyan law nized polygamy, WOman to have s Traditionally it
Woman to cohab er S and in the Ki custom is still pi not commonly.
and made pe| Kandyans in 185 cient Sinhala law have the strict pu mous binding la Protestant ethic From historical re

ialism on Family
a system of law in ethics but also to successfully enous legal Sysain areas of Sri ie, Maritime provdue to its particuy, indigenous law tain areas among
is one clear area Lanka's multi-ethigious character. hala people are 3eneral law exept pple living within Vinces who have ient Sinhala legal ers of the family. ovinces were the ered by the Britingdom of Kandy ; Of the British and Sri Lanka was exin a foreign land. North were govustomary law of ld the Muslims by gious law. These , al SO Caled Percustomary / relie were directly in
foreign systems ity of their values
erenceS.
v originally recog
the right of one several husbands. was legal for a it with two brothandyan areas this actised, although It was prohibited nal among the 59. Under the an, marriage did not ritanical monoga|ws of today that c imposed on it. Cords, it is evident
that Sinhalese laws of marriage
or cohabiting among man and
woman were related and did not have the legal connections it has
today. Robert Knox, an Englishman
was was a prisoner in the Kandyan
kingdom from 1660 to 1679
records "but their marriages are of little force or validity. For if thy disagree and dislike one the other,
they part without disgrace ... both
men and women do commonly wed four or five times before they Can Settle themselves to their Contention. And if they have children,
when they part the Common law is the males for the man, the females for the woman..." (Robert Anox, an Affstorica/ fe/ation of Ceylon 1958 edition). During this time there were over 1,000 English,
Dutch and other foreign men imprisoned in the kingdom of Kandy,
most of whom cohabited with
Sinhala women. They integrated
into Sinhala Society and did not leave the country even after they attained their freedom.
In 1815 when the Kandy provinces came under the British rule, the provisions and the applications of Kandyan law became controversial for the simple reason that this law was beyond the white man's comprehension. Not only could the British comprehend the law, but they were shocked by the 'heathen' practice of living together with more than One man at the same time.
What we now term as "Kandyan law" can be said to have been the General law practised by the majority Sinhala people throughout the country before the 16th century. The Portugese who conquered the Maritime provinces of Sri Lanka in the early 16th century began the process of change of the law.

Page 33
Later, Kandyan law was judicially decided to be applicable to personal law to the Kandyan Sinhalese, ie, those who domiciled in Kandy from 1815. Although over the centuries there has been an influx of people into the Kandyan areas, those who can prove residence for generations are today given the facility to be governed by the Kandyan law.
in the Kandyan law, a lawful marriage is classified as either "Diga' Oor 'Binna' both Of which Could be dissolved easity by mutual consent. In a Diga marriage the bride is taken to the husband's residence to live, while in a 'Binna' marriage the husband is absorbed into the Wife's family. In a “Diga marriage husband / father had more authority over the children than in a 'Binna' marriage. In both types of marriage, however, the status of the wOman did not Suffer. The husband or father did not have 'marital power over the wife, her right to separate property was recognized and in the death Of her huSband she as head of the family had important rights in management of property. These were the most Salient aspects of Kandyan family law. The Woman was treated as an individual, as one of the most important persons within the family unit. Illegitimate children born into a non-legal family could be acknowledged by the father and absorbed into the legal family and inherit property. This liberal attitude towards "illegitimate' children helped create the parent-child relationship as well as obtain an heir to succeed to family property.
Thesawalamai is a customary law applicable to the Tamils living in the North of Sri Lanka. Here too, polygamy was recognized, and although the husband / father had authority over the children and family he had no marital power over his wife. Her status in the family was recognized, and on her husband's death she obtained special rights as head of the household. She had separate property rights and the husband could exercise control over only a small
fragment of it.
power in relation The practice of a nized by Thesaw macy is not mad
The Muslim S ir Came here astra Portugese are go religious laws \ theory that the
are protected. U law women can
husbands and di necessary. Howe of the law is entir ing women in a
ority, ignorance Polygamy is reco practiced and the has sweeping a wife, wives and macy is strictly r Such a child is t of no-one (filius r too, is not recog Muslim law, how administer prop interference Of
also can earn a li ness for which t to acquire permis / husband. In pr these 'rights are way or anothe passed off as M fore, is a distorti which is detrime of women. Mus practiced in Sri
Combination of
with principles o' rOt UurCOrmrmhOr 1 Purdah in Sri Lal perhaps can be e Sut of slamic which we hope i to push women to live in ignoran
These personal
Tamil and Musli only to family m area of the law. divorce, intestate property rights o' matters govern laws. In all other
mercial and Cri contract, etc, al
Country are gove

e also had no O minor children. doption is recoglamai, but illegitia provision for.
Sri Lanka Who ders prior to the ferned by Islamic which ensure in ights of women nder the Koranic chose their Own force them when ver, the practice ly different keepDosition of inferiand seclusion. gnized by law and husband/father uthority over his children. Illegitihot tolerated and eated as a child ulius). Adoption, nized. Under the
ever, Women Can erty without the husbands, they ving and do busihey do not need SSion from father actice, however, violated in some r. What is now uslim law, thereon of slamic law ntal to the rights slim law as it is Lanka is really a customary rules Islamic law. It is O see women in nka today, which }xplained as a reFundamentalism s not an attempt back to the home Ce and fear.
laws of Sinhala, m peoples apply atters, a limited
Thus marriage, succession and the spouses are ed by personal matters, ie, Comminal law, tort, nhabitant of the rned by the Gen
eral law. The General law as stated earlier is an amalgamation of the Roman Dutch law and the English law. Both Systems reflect the values of the Cannon law which is directly derived from the religious values of the Christian Church. Our law, therefore, is a produce of a western legal system of a certain period in history which has successfully made inroads into the liberal indigenous laws of the country in areas such as marriage, illegitimacy and adoption.
In the English Cannon law a family is legally recognized as a nuclear family created within a legally valid monogamous marriage, (this was in direct opposition to the locally recognized unit of the extended or joint family that consists of several families living together), which has also been formally celebrated and solemnised. The Marriage Registration Ordinance of 1907 sets out the validity of a marriage and provides for the registration of marriages. However, the first legislation on marriage was brought in 1822 for the Maritime provinces where registration was made essential for a marriage to be valid. Due to the pluralism of laws draws a definite distinction between the registered marriage and customary (non-registered) marriage. The English considered a Customary marriage non-legal. This was perhaps because the Cannon law viewed illegitimacy with so much disapproval. The Roman Dutch law, however, was a bit more liberal and recognized the relationship between the mother and child. Although the British brought in legislation on registration of marriages in 1822 and by Statute in 1847 they found it difficult to enforce the law on people unused to such an idea. In 1863, therefore, we find it eliminated by Statute until the General Marriage Ordinance of 1907 which is currently, in use.
In direct conflict with the indigenous laws, especially the Kandyan law, both the English and the Roman Dutch law considered that a woman once married should
March, 1998 O Voice of Women o 31

Page 34
come under the guardianship or 'protection' of her husband, giving the husband wide powers and control over her person and property. This authority of the husband extended to the children as well; as father he became the 'natural guardian' of minor children, had a right to their custody and was considered the lawful authority in controlling their affairs. Both the systems, however, did not recognize adoption as a legally valid institution. It is a tragedy that even in these backward areas of their law, they did not concede to accept the indigenous laws which were far more egalitarian towards the family and its children. Divorce was allowed only for matrimonial fault as English Cannon law declared a solemnized marriage indissoluble. These 'moral' values were imposed on the indigenous population and inculcated into them Over the Centuries. The success that the colonizers had in eliminating indigenous laws from the provinces they ruled was due partly to misSionary Schools.
It was also due to the fact of noncomprehension of local laws. They, in not understanding the laws, were arrogant in writing them off as 'heathen' or 'pagan' practices. After the British took over the administration of the Kingdom of Kandy, they also strived to change the legal system of this portion of their empire. They declared it necessary to register marriages, even those under the Kandyan law for their validity. Ordinance no. 13 of 1859 and no. 3 of 1870, and now the Kandyan Marriages Act of 1952 has brought in legislation regulating Kandyan marriages where an unregistered marriage is considered legally void. A customary Kandyan marriage is therefore not recognized, let alone a relationship of cohabiting between man and Woman.
Thesawalamai (ancient Dravidian not Hindu law) does not make provision regarding the form and requirements of a valid marriage. They therefore come under the General Marriages Ordinance of 1907.
32 O Voice of Women o March, 1998
The Muslims a Carn Wedi a CCorc gious law. The and Divorce Act states that a mal istered under Sta registered marria authorization of istrar of Muslim ever, in the regis lim marriage the for the bride to : It is signed by guardian and the The consent to a not given direct the Wai. Thus riages could be by the Wali alth ited both by Ge Muslim law.
In a country wher to have the sam especially in the and where mar tered into with sent of both part the "Declaration of Discriminatio) is a disturbing si
The minimum a 16 for males an For those of Eu and Burghers, til for females is 1. Under the Gener sary that both pa fully understand COntract and Con another.
In Sri Lanka a wo retain her own
riage. Most villa 75 per cent of th in villages) retain and are even no tom of changin marriage. On th WeSternized wO| areas take their and are most of a Custom of ke name after marri Lanka. This is only of the alier from their own C but also shows Christian ethical

one in Sri Lanka ling to their reliWuslim Marriage
No. 13 Of 1951 riage can be regtute or be an unge valid under the the Ouazi or RegMarriages. Howtration of a Musre is no provision sign the Register. the Wai or her bridegroom only. marriage, too, is ly by her, but by even child mareasily carried Out Dugh it is prohibneral law and by
e women are said 1e rights as men, area of marriage riage is only enfree and full Coniners' as Stated in on the Efimination of M/orner' this ate of affairs.
ge of marriage is 12 for females. |ropean ancestry he minimum age 4 and males 16. a law it is necesrties to a marriage the nature of the sent to marry one
bman Can lawfuly name after marage women (over he population live their own names it aware of a CuSg the name after e Other hand, the men of the urban husband's name ten suprised that eping one's own lage prevails in Sri an indication not nation of the elite ulture and values,
how deeply the values of patriar
Chy and monogam y are entrenched in them; the tragedy being that they are looked upon as symbols of civilized living to be imitated by the rest of the country.
Patriarchy was not an institution introduced by the legal system of the Colonizers. The General law based on the Roman Dutch law and English law merely served to strengthen it. The fact that man is legally recognized as head of household is a reiteration of the patriarchal values found in the value system of the colonizer as well as the Colonized. Yet, in the society of the 16th century it did not mean a second rate position for the woman. Legally she enjoyed legal rights with the man in all family relations. In comparison, the political and legal systems based on Christian moral values of the Colonizers sought to suppress the female to a non-entity. The fault lies with us for not attempting to reform the laws in the postindependence period to eliminate all forms of injustice towards the female from the currently prevailing legal System.
The fact that there is no uniformity with regard to the laws governing family affairs have also led to certain limitations in specific areas of law. For instance, Muslim women ruled by the Islamic religious law remain disadvantaged in the question of the age of competence to marry. This is an area needing urgent reform, but will run into difficulties if attempts are made to do so. To bring about uniformity of rights, privileges and responsibilities that women should enjoy within the family has become a laborious task due to the different personal laws in practice by the three communities. The British of the 18th and 19th centuries adopted a policy of noninterference with customary laws of the people for fear of political unrest, and in fact welcomed the diversity of the laws as a means of segregation of the communities.
Reproduced from Voice of Women, 1988, Vol 3 Issue 1

Page 35


Page 36
WONG
Mar Ch 1998 K) VO|| 5
Evina
She is not the family mot ne ne and not the extende imbeded down generations patterned, shortened, abuse she is plain
|Edwina but to get out in the approv mother must say yes father must research geneo and brothers show prowes sisters must approve
Erwina asks an I getting married Or you?
I am in the family way says Edwina softly
She is in the family way mother, father, brother, siste
CV
INTHE FAMILY WAY
That in how plain Edwina
 

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di and deformed,
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