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Save the Children
Norway

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REBUILDING LIVES
A New Beginning: War Widows and their Children
Gethsie Shanmugam
Edited by B. Ranjitha
4ll:7
Save the Children
Norway
(

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Copyrights are not reserved We welcome reproduction of the text in part or in full with due acknowledgement of source.
Illustrations: B. Ranjitha
Published by Save the Children (Norway) Sri Lanka December 1999

This book is dedicated to the memory of Andreas Fuglesang, Who believed that communication is the key to relationships and interaction between people. He was One of the active forces behind this and several other programmes. Sadly, Andreas is not amongst us today.

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Contents
ACKnOWledgements.......................................................... 6
ForeWord.......................................................................... 8
PART ||
Introduction
Background..................................................... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1O About the book............................................................... 13
PART ||
Why a programme for war widows
The predicament of War Widows .................................... 16 HoW the idea Was born .................................................. 19
PART || ||
The War Widows Programme
Evolving the right approach ........................................... 24 The process ................................................................... 26 The programme: a detailed account.............................. 29
PART IV
Children in conflict situations
Children traumatised by War .......................................... 76 Children in distress: a Survey......................................... 8O Survey findings............................................................... 81 Pages from a diary ......................................................... 85

| ?/\RT V
Conclusion
Evaluation ...................................................................... 92 Basic therapeutic actions............................................... 96 A new beginning........................................................... 103
Bibliography................................................................ 107
Appendices
Form 1: ASSessment.................................................... 108 Form 2: Evaluation....................................................... 113 Questionnaire for parent / guardian ............................. 119

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Acknowledgements
The impetus for this publication came from Markus Aksland. If not for him, the book would not have become a reality.
The contents of the book itself grew out of a collection of documents and reports relating to work done with war widows. Save the Children (Norway) believes in documenting lessons learnt for the benefit of others who are involved in similar areas of work. The difficult circumstances that continue to prevail today prompted it to publish this book.
Many people, too many to name here, have been involved in this journey, which began in 1988. I would like to express my sincere thanks to the mothers, who participated in our programme and their children. Thanks also to the supporters who worked tirelessly at the grassroots level and all the project staff.
Sigmund Karlstrøm, who was then the director of relief and rehabilitation programme of Save the Children (Norway) in Sri Lanka, is among those who contributed immensely to the programme.
Dr. Elizabeth Jareg was alongside me throughout the length of this programme. I value her guidance and support. Her ideas and thoughts on basic therapeutic actions to help mothers and children affected by conflict appear in the final chapter of this book. Her role both in designing and steering the programme was crucial.
B. Ranjitha carefully studied the complicated records and documents with her own special understanding of the issues that we at Save the Children (Norway) had in mind.
Gethsie Shanmugam

Mission Statement
Save the Children (Norway) is committed in a professional way to support selected, cost efficient and sustainable quality activities for as many vulnerable children as possible and to advocate for children's full rights as participating human beings in accordance with the UN Convention on the Rights - of the Child, through active empowerment and capacity building of genuine partnerships and cooperation with other organisations and authorities.
Vision Statement
All children in Sri Lanka will grow up in a peaceful environment where they are respected, supported, protected, loved, stimulated and listened to at all levels in the society.

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ForeWord
We are no longer called Redd Barna. We now hawe a neW name, Save the Children (Norway), and a new logo to indicate that the International Save the Children Alliance is coming closer together to achieve a better impact on improving the lives of children the WOrld Over.
Save the Children (Norway) is currently directing its efforts towards children affected by the ongoing civil war in the North, East, South and West of the country. Children are the most defenceless wictims of Conflict and trauma, Many have been killed and maimed, while thousands hawe Witnessed extreme forms of brutality and Wiolence. A whole generation of children is growing up in an environment of War, beginning to perceive violence as normal.
We have made it our special mandate to focus on children affected by War. As part of Our endeavour to fulfil this objective and to realise partnership in a broader sense, we have published this book. Here, We share our experience in alleviating the suffering of Some War Widows and their children.
We are confident that the lives of many affected children can be improved if more people work towards that, And We hope that this book will be of assistance to those working for the Welfare of Children.
Markus Aksand Resident Representative DC yr 1999

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Background
The prolonged ethnic conflict has impacted many aspects of life in Sri Lanka. Since the Outbreak of hostilities in 1983, hundreds of thousands of people have sought refuge in other countries, while many others have been uprooted from their homes and displaced to other locations. This has disrupted normal life and left psychological scars on people of all ethnicity, including the majority Sinhalese and the minority Tamils and Muslims.
In the course of the bloody conflict, many others have paid the ultimate price: they have lost their lives. Innumerable battles over the past 16 years and countless incidents of shelling and bomb attacks have claimed thousands of lives as have landmines and communal riots. Many unfortunate civilians have been caught up in the crossfire between the Sri Lanka Army and the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE).
The north-eastern province comprising Jaffna, Mullaitivu, Kilinochchi, Mannar and Vavuniya districts in the north and Trincomalee, Batticaloa and Ampara in the east, has, in large measure, borne the brunt of the conflict. This is particularly true of areas of the northern province which were until recently dominated by the LTTE. The Tigers, who are fighting for a separate Tamil homeland in the north and east of Sri Lanka, Continue to hold a large portion of the Wanni area, primarily Kilinochchi and Mullaitivu as well as parts of Mannar district.
in the eastern districts too, the Tigers control some pockets. This has resulted in Constant clashes between the government forces and the LTTE. Areas that remain under LTTE domination are referred to as "uncleared' areas as compared to the cleared areas administered by the government.
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Savo the Children (Norway) implemented the War Widows Irogramme in Jaffna, Mullaitivu and Batticaloa districts of the Inorth-castern province. The Batticaloa programme is the focus of
his book.
Jaffna lies at the northern tip of the island. The peninsula, which extends into the Indian Ocean, Was until a few years ago, almost entirely administered by the LTTE. In 1995, the army launched an offensive to oust the Tigers and since 1996, the majority of the Jaffna peninsula is under government control.
Mullaitivu district is bound by Kilinochchi in the north, Mannar in the west and Vavuniya and Trincomalee in the south and southcast respectively.
Loss of life and property has been rampant in the north-eastern province and Batticaloa is no exception. Predominantly a Tamil speaking population, most of the over 500,000 people living in the district are Hindus, Muslims or Christians. Located along the eastern Coast of Sri Lanka, Batticaloa, is spread Over 263 Square kilometres and is flanked by Trincomalee district in the north and Polonnaruwa in the west, while the district of Ampara stretches beyond its south and South-western border.
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Jaffna O
O Mulaitivu
Colombo (p
 

About the book
More than a decade after the idea took shape, Save the Children (Norway) decided to take a close look at the War Widows Programme. It is encouraging to find that the positive outcome of those efforts can be seen even today.
It is this knowledge that prompted us to recount the story now. The story is about a group of Women, who are among thousands widowed in the course of Sri Lanka's ethnic conflict. While highlighting the grave difficulties that these women face, the story traces how they have rebuilt their lives and that of their children. They were able to do this by overcoming grief with some timely and appropriate help.
This book salutes the women, who have prevailed in the face of serious odds. In telling their story and detailing the role of Save the Children (Norway) in the process, we wish to share this valuable experience with those who seek to lend a helping hand to the growing number of Women who are widowed because of the conflict, especially those who are uneducated and economically disadvantaged.
This is intended to serve as a guidebook for efforts to alleviate their distress, both psychological and financial. Alternatively, it could simply provide a concrete basis for NGOs and other support groups to evolve fresh initiatives for the purpose.

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In order to present a clear picture of how the whole programme evolved the book follows the sequence of events in detail. A final chapter on the present situation of some of the Women Who participated in it will demonstrate that our efforts have paid off and are therefore worth documenting.
While charting the progress of the programme, this book describes how children are affected when a parent is killed and they find their mother emotionally devastated. Such children lose the sense of security that the basic family structure affords them in spite of poor economic conditions,
Hence, the need to find ways to help the widows and their children
on the path to recovery, and more importantly, to first determine how best we can help them in the process of readjustment.
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Why a programme for war widows

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The predicament of war widows
In an atmosphere of escalating violence and prolonged strife, many women are left grieving for dead or missing spouses and children for their fathers. There are instances where entire villages are Without men folk.
In the late '80s, around the time Save the Children (Norway) became interested in starting the War Widows Programme, there were a number of reports of how the entire male population of villages or communities was massacred. In three villages of Kurunegala district in the north-western province, all adult males had been reported killed or missing. In the northern Vavuniya district, 101 men from two villages had been killed in one night.
A young woman who was working with us as a supporter reported that 21 men were killed overnight in her village in Mullaitivu district. The experience had been a traumatic one for her. However, as the entire village was one big extended family, it was left to her to comfort all the people, in her role as a trained 'supporter'.
Such grim reports abounded in Batticaloa too, where over 1,700 breadwinners had been killed and hundreds more had disappeared Sin Ce 1983.
There is no clear assessment of the number of people who have been affected in different ways and to varying degrees by the ongoing ethnic Conflict in the Country. What is compelling, however, is that hundreds of thousands of lives have been gravely transformed by the severity and prolonged nature of the conflict. Equally apparent is the fact that some groups of people find themselves more vulnerable in the existing atmosphere of hostilities.
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One such group is clearly women and children, regardless of which community they belong to. Women who have lost their husbands because of the conflict find that all of a sudden, they are defenceleSS ind ill equipped to face the challenges that lie ahead. Besides having to come to terms with their own grief, they have to provide the necessary emotional and physical support to their children.
If the deceased husband happened to be the sole breadwinner of the family, the pressing task of providing for their daily needs and running the household rests with the woman. In the absence of any previous exposure to income-earning activities, either homebased or involving going out to work, all these unexpected demands can prove too much to handle. Frequently, the women find themselves burdened by such things even before they have had the time to recover from the shock of losing their spouse. In several instances, the family is left with no money to buy even a coffin or the next meal.
The widows do not have the luxury of a decent mourning period in which to ready themselves for overwhelming tasks. In such circumstances, most women are unable to rise to the challenge without adequate and trained support from outside. They remain grief-stricken for an indefinite period.
Widows not only undergo emotional stress and economic hardships, but they also suffer mental and physical abuse. In most Tamil Communities where We Worked a tremendous amount of stress was placed on the women because of the attitude of people tOwards WidowS.
A widow is regarded as a bad omen and therefore is not made to feel welcome at auspicious events like weddings and is never invited to light the ceremonial lamp at celebrations. She even has to stop wearing jewellery and the pottu, the red dot women put on the forehead. In effect, she is treated like a social outcast. All this can prove very oppressive, particularly in the case of widows who are very young.
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Losing one's spouse because of natural causos, ill hoalth Or an accident is distressing, but the distress is ofton compounded if death occurs due to violence and war. An increasing number of widows belong to this unfortunate Category.
It is these traumatised women and their children who are the Subject of this book and indeed, of the programme which was based on a concept born more than ten years ago.
It Should be noted that Words like 'traumatised are used here to describe Women and Children Who have been exposed to traumatic events and are not intended as a pronouncement of a medical condition. In fact, it is the intention of Save the Children (Norway) to show how Women and children who have been faced with agonising circumstances are capable of overcoming shock and grief, especially with the help of others around them.
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HOW the idea was born
In attempting to put together a lucid account Of What began SO many years ago, we had to locate relevant details in Old records and find missing pieces of information that were so crucial to the origin and course of the programme for war widows.
It also necessitated meeting those who were there from the very beginning. Happily, we were able to talk to Some of the main players behind the project and trace the process back to its origin. Father Paul Satkunanayagam and Dr. Elizabeth Jareg described how it all happened, while some of the Widowed women who participated in the programme also told their side of the story.
The story begins with Father Paul Satkunanayagam, a Jesuit priest in Batticaloa. As the conflict escalated through the '80s, it claimed more and more lives and left many women widowed. In his role as a priest, Fr. Paul, as the people of the district know him, came into contact with such distressed women. Many approached him for help because they knew him well and could Confide in him. Sensitive to their troubled state of mind, Fr. Paul wanted to help them to come to terms with their grief, besides helping the women monetarily.
He was familiar with the people and the customs of the communities around him: men were the decision-makers and women simply had to follow. There was also evidence of a lot of violence against Women inside the homes. Moreover, statistics indicated that many of the women were widows of poor farmers and fishermen. It was apparent that when such poor, often ill treated women suddenly lost their husbands, they were totally helpless. Fr. Paul was moved by the helplessness of the widows.
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Many international and local non-governmental organisations were working in Batticaloa and as the conflict grew in intensity, they responded with more crisis intervention programmes. They were addressing issues like childcare, nutritional and medical needs. Even housing programmes were in place. Save the Children (Norway) was also involved in these areas of work.
So, when Fr. Paul mooted the idea of a programme aimed at the psychosocial well being of the widows, there were few takers. He knew it would not be possible to sustain any effort in that direction without support groups. However, it was very difficult to convince NGOs and other support groups working in Batticaloa of the need for such a programme for emotionally traumatised women.
He was anxious to help the women to talk of the strain and pain they were going through. Therefore, in 1988, he trained a group of youth to work as animators and started in a modest way.
It was then that Sigmund Karlstrøm, director of relief and rehabilitation programme, Save the Children (Norway), became interested in Fr. Paul's programme. He and some of the other staff were in Batticaloa to do relief work. They involved Fr. Paul's group in Community building and counselling activities. Through these activities, the widowed Women learnt many skills-making fences, thatched roofs, poultry farming, even going out fishing. The group reinforced the learning process by lending moral support and motivation. The women then seemed to have again found reason for living.
Andreas Fuglesang, Resident Representative of Save the Children (Norway), Dale Chandler, consultant, Dr. Elizabeth Jareg, Child Development Advisor from the head office in Oslo and Karlstrøm met Fr. Paul to learn more about his plans. Together, they agreed that even positive relief measures like building houses would not bring about the desired long-term results if the women were allowed to be emotionally distraught for long.
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They were convinced that this problem needed urgent attention and decided to carefully assess the situation of the women and determine hOW the children were affected.
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PART |||| The War Widows Programme

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Evolving the right approach
AS Save the Children (Norway) began working on the programme, the main obstacle we encountered was the staff's inability to understand and see in a clear manner the path ahead of us. We realised that the more we tried to see ourselves as helpers, the beneficiaries or people we worked with would be required to assume the passive role of being helped. Even in those initial stages, we knew that that would be counter-productive.
We had to be there, but ensure that we would not altogether ignore or even underestimate the widows' potential and their dormant abilities. Our staff and supporters had frequently come across widowed women and refugees who were anxious to lose their dependency, helplessness and limitations, though they had found relief distribution like food, medicine and educational material useful as a temporary Support System.
In formulating a programme for widows, we had to keep these factors in mind. How much was our programme helping them? To what extent was it hindering them? We had to constantly ask Ourselves Such questions to keep us on the right track as the programme evolved.
Moreover, we had to be alert so as not to create dependence on either side: it was not simply a question of the widows growing dependent on the Support they would receive, but also of our Support System becoming attached to the widows' crisis situation. The success and Sustainability of the programme would depend on striking a balance - between extending Support and guiding them to become Self-reliant.
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In more immediate terms, our staff helped them deal with matters like compensation claims. Under the government scheme, war widows are entitled to compensation amounting to Rs. 50,000. However, many women were notable to claim compensation, due to their inability to obtain death certificates and difficulty in proving that their dead spouses were not linked with any militant groups.
Our supporters helped the widows in such tasks - Collecting evidence and arranging for them to meet with the officials concerned. They also ensured that the women carefully put away the money in banks and judiciously invested a part of the sum in income-generating activities.
The programme aimed to guide and train the widows in selfemployment opportunities and skills development. Therefore, our approach was not to merely dole out assistance, but to give the women a renewed sense of hope and security in spite of their widowhood. This approach would help make the programme Sustainable,
In 1988, Save the Children (Norway) had initiated the 2,000 Widows Programme, which involved putting up houses for those many widows in the district. That was a Welcome measure at the time as many houses had either been destroyed in the violence or families had been displaced within the district.
As the psychosocial dimension grew in importance in our approach,
however, the building of houses and structures slowly gave way to building people.
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The process
On June 27, 1988, Dr. Jareg met a group of widows to discuss the problems they were encountering. Some of the women were carrying babies in their arms when they came to meet her.
Dr Jareg asked one of the women: "Mrs. Gnanamani, whom do you go to when you feel lonely and want to talk to someone?"
The woman began to weep as she spoke: "I have no one, amma. My sorrows are buried within me. Who is there forme? There is no One.'
After listening to what the Women had to say, Dr. Jareg began drawing up a plan for a psychosocial programme. She and the other staff were convinced that the psychosocial approach needed to be combined with training for income generation.
Dr. Jareg, Fr. Paul, Karlstrøm and a group of students from the Eastern University conducted a baseline study in Batticaloa. The study was aimed at identifying the widows' needs. Dr. Jareg drew up the questionnaire for the study, while Fr. Paul trained the students to go to the villages and interview widows.
Identifying potential beneficiaries and obtaining personal details proved a time-consuming process. Information thus obtained was checked with local authorities and other NGOs working in the areas. Once all the information had been assessed, a group of about 200 widows was selected from each of the three districts of Batticaloa, Jaffna and Mullaitivu to participate in the programme.
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Although there were widows in other parts of the country, Save the Children (Norway) decided to implement the programme in these three districts because they were severely affected by the conflict. Moreover, we were already working on other relief projects in these districts.
Thirty social workers or supporters were selected from each district. Dedicated young women who had completed A Level or O Level examinations were chosen after a series of interviews. This stage of the programme took up to three weeks to complete.
After that, those selected (hereafter referred to as supporters) underwent training for up to two months. Our staff assessed their performance during this period and gave them on the job training.
A programme had been designed and a baseline study conducted in Batticaloa. The War Widows Programme was set to begin in the district in 1989. However, that did not happen. The army had intensified clearing operations in Batticaloa, which made it difficult for NGOs like Save the Children (Norway) to function effectively in areas of psychosocial concern like this. However, other programmes relating to relief and rehabilitation continued.
Programmes focussing on psychosocial issues would require the supporters and facilitator to be present in the villages for an extended period. That was difficult due to the security situation that prevailed at the time. On the other hand, distributing relief items like cadjans and clothing only required brief visits.
Having already done elaborate preparatory work, we decided to
take the War Widows Programme to Jaffna and Mullaitivu districts. There too, the War had created widows.
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Though sporadic clashes did occur in Jaffna and Mullaitivu districts, they were less in intensity at the time as compared to the concerted effort at clearing parts of Batticaloa. Therefore, it was possible to implement in those areas the programme, which was originally designed for Batticaloa.
In 1990-91, the War Widows Programme got underway in Jaffna and Mullaitivu. Kopay and Nallur assistant government agent (AGA) divisions of Jaffna were selected for our pilot project. Our staff was familiar with these areas through participation in a joint relief operation. In Mullaitivu district, the programme was implemented in Pudukudiyiruppu and Mulliavalai.
By the time the ground situation changed for the programme to be introduced in Batticaloa in 1992, it was well on its way in the other two locations. Meanwhile, battles intensified in Jaffna and Mullaitivu, giving rise to several gaps in those programmes.
This book focuses on the programme implemented in Chenkalady, Batticaloa.
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The programme: a detailed account
The War Widows Programme had two main components-training of supporters to carry out their task satisfactorily and training of the widows themselves to become self-assured and gain some amount of economic independence.
Here, our attempt has been to give as detailed an account as possible of both components in order that others who wish to do work in this area may use relevant information or become familiar with the procedural aspects.
At the same time, this chapter describes how we had to literally feel our way through this problem, as there were no ready guidelines to follow. We had to evolve a plan that would both suit the sociocultural framework of the communities we were working in and accommodate the emotional needs of the affected Women and children.
The programme also had to take into account the fact that there were limited or no relevant skills available locally to tackle psychosocial issues in a sophisticated manner. Save the Children (Norway) based its programme on listening and caring instead of adopting other more technical methods.
NOTE: As it was important to make the widows feel comfortable, in the course of the programme, they were addressed as mothers. Here too, they are frequently referred to as mothers, especially in the pages where the training programme is described in detail.
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FIGURE: The programme at a glance
(Assessment of the data collected in Batticaloa)
The widows dropped in at the office
Collection of details of the children andmothers from grama sevakaš
Training programme for supporters
(Visits by Supporters to Widows"homes for building rapport)
(Regular meetings of supporters and widows at the village leve)
Short two-hour meetings of gr
Half-day peer counselling session
(Y
Full-day skills and abilities session leading to income generating activities)
Training for income generation activities
Overnight sessions for groups of six mothers and their children
One-day session for children
Half a day's follow up on the earlier peer-counselling session
(Mothers' group meeting )
Short sessions
Strengthening groups and links with banks
Phasing out
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First, we describe how the widows or mothers were trained. The training sessions were intended to help them overcome their grief and trauma. The objectives of training were also to help them to become self-assured and capable of caring for their family.
The economic training component of the programme simultaneously prepared them to take on with some confidence the challenge of earning a livelihood in the absence of their husbands. This was done through a skills and abilities development session and guidance and training in income generation activities.
Dr. Jareg set the programme in motion by assessing the data collected during the survey in Batticaloa.
The widows were then encouraged to drop in at our office and personal information like name, date of birth and number of children Was Collected. When the Women dropped in at the office, it became clear that they needed someone to listen to them. They were not interested in simply collecting ration that was being distributed as relief. It was from this realisation that the idea for the programme took shape.
Next, our staff collected details regarding the status of the children and their mothers from the grama sevakas, after informing the Government Agent and the Assistant Government Agent.
kn
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A. L Km (/)
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Then came the training programme for supporters. Dr. Jareg and our staff provided intensive training to the supporters through a series of exercises described in detail later in this chapter. However, the process did not end with the completion of the exercises, but included on-the-job training.
Once the supporters had undergone the training programme, they began visiting the homes of the widows regularly. This enabled them to build a rapport with the entire family.
With every visit, the supporters brought back to the office case studies and reports of the widows' experiences and the plight of the children. They discussed these details with the facilitator because they were not trained in counselling.
Every widow's life and situation was unique. Hence, the supporters needed constant guidance from the group as well as from the facilitator. Dr. Jareg also made annual visits from Oslo to steer the programme and provide support in the psychosocial area.
Regular meetings of supporters and widows were held at the village level. These took place in small groups. During these meetings, they started planning income generation projects. They discussed what each of the women could do and the feasibility of the ideas. This prompted the women to start thinking of ways to generate income and they enthusiastically shared ideas within their groups.
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Next, short two-hour meetings of groups of 20 mothers were organised. The theme of the sessions was "listening'.
The group was divided into 10 pairs of women. They were asked to talk about themselves to their partners. After that, they formed small groups of four and talked about their life. The supporters and facilitators interacted closely with the mothers during this process, encouraging them to talk freely. Many women started weeping, but at the end of it, came a sense of relief to find that their situation was not unique and that others were facing a similar plight.
A feeling of camaraderie had set in. The mothers said their burden seemed to ease a bit, as they had been able to
confide in someone. Finally, there was someone to listen
to their problems.
The listening exercise proved very useful in gaining an insight into their mood.
What the supporters said
"I always compare myself with others when I listen."
"I listen to a certain extent, but then I start giving advice.'
"It is difficult to listen when you are sad. People are around you, but you feel they are not there."
"While listening, remember my own sorrow and tears start rolling down my cheeks. "
"I find it difficult not only to listen, but also to talk. "
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The supporters explained to the mothers that some of them had problems communicating with others because they were distressed. The women's responses demonstrated how frank and open-minded they were. At the same time, their need to voice their private feelings showed their vulnerability after traumatic experiences.
A half-day peer Counselling session was arranged according to the status of the group. If the mothers in a particular group had not come to terms with their grief, they were given support and more time to grieve. During the half-day sessions, mothers got together, listened to each other's problems and offered suggestions. If there were new additions to the group, old members assisted them to fit into the group.
During the peer-counselling session, the Women began to talk about income generation activities they could get involved in. They discussed personal resources available with them. This was a lively session as the women were asked to list their own qualities and potential strengths. As they were encouraged to talk about the positive side, they cheered up considerably. They realised that they did not feel entirely helpless.
Through this exercise, they were led into planning what they could do as a group. Individually, it would have been difficult for them to start a project, but as a group, they found that each one could be supportive of the others. For example, if one of the women chose agriculture, the others would pitch in and help her with the work. This would work out cheaper than hiring outside help.
This generated a lot of discussion and the Women expressed hopes of being able to Work together as a group. Yet, a few women were hesitant to be part of a group. They said they would prefer to work independently, as they had not been able to entirely trust the others in the group.
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È
s
A full-day skills and abilities session was conducted, leading to income generating activities. This session was held before loans were given to the women and groups discussed various aspects of income generation.
They were ready to start on their individual projects. However, the supporters carried out feasibility studies in the villages. For example, if a widow wished to start on agricultural activity, the supporters found out if there was a demand for a particular crop and if there were likely to be any difficulties in marketing the produce. The supporters encouraged the women to take up projects based on traditional skills that existed in their families, rather than starting something totally new. The women were introduced to the savings and credit system.
Around the time the income generation programme was initiated, some women who were illiterate were given some basic education. They began to sign their names and learn some writing skills, particularly for banking purposes. Those with more qualifications took the lead and helped others in this task. The women were also taught to read bus boards and other simple things like labels on medicine bottles.
An important aspect of training for income generation activities was giving loans. The women were also taught how the savings and credit system worked.
Based on their individual decisions on income generation projects, a training system was planned. Women from various villages with common project ideas formed fresh groups for training. Then experts and trainers involved in the respective enterprises, both from government and private sectors, were invited to provide thorough training to the Women. However, the training was a continuous process and did not end with the one-day session.
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Overnight sessions were conducted for groups of six mothers and their children.
Elaborate preparations had to be made for these sessions. The supporters drew up the schedule and planned activities for the mothers and children.
The supporters got the necessary materials for making soft toys. They cut the outlines of ducks and balls on pieces of cloth and then stitched them up. At the overnight session, the mothers would be required to fill the stitched fabric casings with cotton and present the toys to their children.
The supporters had also collected other raw materials like palmyrah leaves and cut them up for making rattles for babies and other items for play. They also arranged the venue (our office or the training centre), so that all necessary facilities Would be available for the Session.
It was not easy for the mothers to drop all daily routine and household chores and join us for this session. They arrived late, after completing some of their work at home. Often transport was a problem in conflict areas or even remote areas and participants found it difficult to travel to programme centres.
Six mothers and their children participated in the session. One mother arrived very late and appeared to be troubled; later, during the one-to-one discussion, she revealed what her problem was.
The supporters made the mothers feel welcome and everyone sat with cups of tea and some biscuits. The informal atmosphere helped generate interaction among the mothers as the supporters listened.
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Later, one of our officers made opening remarks about the programme and introduced the other staff. Then, the mothers introduced themselves and their children who had accompanied them to the session. Each participant was presented with a badge made by the supporters. The children were thrilled with their colourful badges and pinned them. On to their dresses and Shirts.
The supporters explained to the children why their mothers had come there. They demonstrated this to the children by means of a brief role-play, which made it easy for the children to understand.
ROLE PLAY: Why mothers come to our centre
Two people are travelling in a bullock cart. Along the way, they see a mother carrying a heavy basket on her head.
They stop and ask her: "Amma, where are you going? Can we help you?" The woman then sits in the bullock cart and they start talking.
She relates the story of her life - husband's death, looking after four children and the troubles and problems she faces. Suddenly, they notice that the woman is still carrying the basket on her head and ask her why she is doing that. She says she forgot about it. They help her put the heavy basket down.
After the role-play, the supporters explained to the children how their mothers unconsciously carry a load of worries in their mind. They were told that by coming to our centre and meeting other women, their mothers would gradually be able to put their worries aside.
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Next, the supporters conducted the String Exercise (see pages 71-72). The women eagerly participated in the exercise and the supporters explained what the string network represented.
Then it was time for "creative play'. As explained earlier, the supporters had all the materials ready for creative toy making. The mothers filled in the cotton and the ducks and balls were ready. They also created palmyrah playthings with the help of the supporters. The mothers then gave the toys to their children.
It was observed that the children took special pride in the toys made by their mothers, while the mothers said it had given them a sense of immense satisfaction. One little girl sat hugging a softball. When the facilitator told her what a lovely ball she had, the child hugged it tightly and said: "My mother made it for me.'
Later, the supporters began talking to the children about play in an informal way. The supporters and facilitator also sat on the floor with the mothers and children. They talked to the children about the value of play and how it could help them. The adolescents then said they wanted to go out of the room and play.
The mothers shared their thoughts with the supporters after the children went off to play. One of them said the activity had made her realise how she had changed after the death of her husband and how she seemed to have forgotten even Such basic needs of the children. Another mother said: "We hardly think of toys for our children. We feel good today. Our children are happy and we are happy too!"
An important part of this session was an exercise to help mothers understand their children better.
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s
EXERCISE: Helping mothers understand
The objective of the exercise was to explain child growth and development to the mothers using symbols. So, the facilitator and supporters talked about psychosocial issues affecting children in different stages of their life and used familiar images like various types of fruit to convey the message.
STAGE 1 (1-3 age group) Symbol: Mango
The early years of a child's life are considered "magic years". In the first few years of their life, children believe that the people around them and the surroundings are their world. They feel secure in their environment and in being able to relate to the people, objects and events that Surround them.
The facilitator explained that at this age, the child is like a mango. The fruit is sweet and has one seed within it, comparable to the closeness between the mother and Child.
At this stage, it is important to take good care of children and ensure that their basic needs are met. If a child is loved, he or she grows up with a feeling of self-worth. When explained this way in their native language, the mothers were ablesto grasp the idea easily.
STAGE2 (4-7 age group) Symbol: Pineapple
The facilitator explained that as a child begins growing,
he/she becomes more active. The child wants to explore the Surroundings and becomes increasingly inquisitive.
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È
The child begins asking questions about everything. Some of these questions are difficult to answer and often, the child is regarded as a nuisance. If that happens the child begins to feel stified and sometimes throWS tantrums.
At this age, the child is prickly on the outside like a pineapple. His / her urge to explore and question should be encouraged. The child's questions should be tackled in a patient and polite manner depending on the age of the child. For example, children often want to know how they came into this world. They should be told the truth that they grew within the mother's body. Giving fictitious explanations like saying a child is brought by a bird, or, in local terms, "bought from the market', is wrong.
The facilitator pointed out that guiding the child through those years under difficult circumstances was not easy, but it was important to strike a balance in parent-child interaction. This would help the child grow into a confident and independent person.
STAGE 3 (8-12 age group) Symbol: Orange
The facilitator described how the mothers' problems could increase during the next phase of the child's life. Parents Could find it more difficult to understand the child. The child could have problems in different aspects of life, like going to school or playing for long hours with friends.
At this age, the child is generally creative and likes to draw, is interested in craftwork and doing things with the hands. The facilitator explained that the mothers could find it difficult to cope with all this in the midst of other, more serious Worries.
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The child is compared to an orange. For mothers, the experience could be similar to peeling orange and finding tears forming in their eyes. Moreover, the white, translucent inner layer of skin is also slightly bitter.
At this stage, the mothers were reminded that in spite of all this, the inner fruit is sweet and nutritious with So many portions forming a beautiful whole. They were told that though it could be difficult to strike a rapport with the child, if helped along with love, he / she would develop into a beautiful person.
STAGE 4 (13-18 age group) Symbol: Pomegranate
The facilitator explained that the most important, yet difficult and confusing period in a child's life could be between the years 12 and 18. Adolescents are like the seeds stacked together inside the pomegranate. They yearn to be close to their peer group and imitate their friends.
The facilitator said that adolescents struggle to become independent and need room to grow on their own. They also tend to hero worship some adults. If guided properly, the adolescent would grow into a confident young adult, who could be a valuable source of strength and support to the family and the community.
Symbol: a bunch of grapes
At the end, the facilitator reminded the mothers how fragile children were, comparing them to a bunch of grapes. The little fruit need to be held together, but at the same time need space to grow. Therefore, it is up to the mother to hold the children together, while giving them sufficient space to grow. The facilitator then led a discussion on aspects like caring, togetherness and selfless love on the part of the mother.
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Before the day's programme concluded, a song and dance session was held in the backyard of the office. Plans for a campfire had to be cancelled due to the prevailing security situation in the area. However, the songs and dances generated a lot of fun and laughter among both mothers and children.
After an early dinner, all of them slept comforted by the warmth and sharing brought about by the day's activities.
The second day's session started with early morning meditation. The facilitator and supporters helped the mothers do this. They later said that the period of quiet introspection had given them some peace of mind.
For the next session, the mothers formed one group and the children were divided into three groups. A supporter who had pre-school training looked after the youngest group. Five children above the age of 12 were shy to begin with. The boys were the first to participate in the discussion. They said being there, sharing and listening had been of great help to them.
The girls stuck together throughout the session and did not mingle with the boys. They spoke to the supporters of their loneliness and how overprotective their mothers had become. They said their mothers' constant nagging made them very angry.
The supporter asked them the following questions:
What do you think can be done to help children like you? What can mothers do? What can others do?
What can children themselves do?
The children said that there were many people who had
not undergone the kind of tragedy they had and that such people would not understand them.
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The children said that they did not know how to make their mothers feel less lonely and irritable. They felt that their freedom had been Curtailed after their fathers' death and that they could not understand the change in their mothers' behaviour.
More discussions were held focussing on their grievances in a realistic way and on ways to understand their mothers. The mothers too said that they had found behavioural changes in their children. However, both mothers and children said they were happy to have had the opportunity of spending two days together, discussing such issues and problems.
The general observations of the supporters were that there
had been a good deal of sharing. They said that the mothers, who had come in looking sad, were cheerful at the end of the session. The mothers said that they had benefited a lot and were happy to have had the chance to explore their potential.
What the participants said
"When I came here, I was sad. Now I am happy. I can now encourage my children. I am looking forward to another programme." - a mother
"Staying together here and participating in different activities helped us forget our sorrows. I
want to help my mother more. We had the opportunity to be happy and free." - a young boy
"When I came here, I did not know What was going to happen. Sharing with an open mind has really lifted a big weight off my mind. Our problems are Still there, but the burden is less." - a mother
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Full-day sessions were organised for children in the form of picnics and group activities so that they could try to deal with their problems. Like the mothers' groups, the children got together for play, drama activities, creativity and craft classes. They also talked about issues that concerned them like their relationship with their mothers, siblings and other children. Short picnics and meetings with groups of children from other villages or towns were also arranged. These activities were not limited to a single session, but continued through out the length of the programme.
Half-day sessions for follow up on earlier peer counselling were arranged when the need arose. These sessions were held exclusively for mothers or children. There were also combined sessions for the children and mothers. At times, these sessions focussed on issues pertaining to a particular village or group, like the celebration of a festival. Therefore, they included both peer counselling and planning for other activities.
Mothers' groups met once a week. After the formation of groups in each village, they began working on their own or with the help of the supporter. They metregularly to discuss matters like loans for members. The meetings were also occasions for repayment of loans.
The meetings were conducted in a formal manner. A secretary headed each group and formal speeches were made and minutes of the meeting noted. So, the women were trained to do these things, which gave them Confidence.
At the meetings, the women made an effort to give loan to
the most needy member of the group, as they became empathetic to each other's needs.
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È
O vol A LL
n VO
They also discussed the main problems of their village and personal problems, particularly those involving children. If a child could not go to school because he did not possess a birth certificate, then the group would arrange to obtain the certificate. Thus, the groups grew stronger as the programme progressed.
Short Sessions were held on an ad hoc basis, when difficult, unexpected problems or important issues arose.
Next, the supporters helped in strengthening groups over several months. Once the mothers' groups had grown strong after training, increased their income and were able to function on their own, they were linked to the banks. When the small village communities were linked to the banks, they could get more loans.
Finally, it was time for the facilitator and supporters to phase out their involvement, making way for the groups to function independently. When their project had become sustainable and the groups had grown confident, Save the Children (Norway) began to phase out the programme. However, the supporters continued to visit them at longer intervals before altogether pulling out.
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What the widows say Thavamalar
My husband was killed in 1990. At that time, I felt lonely and angry. I wanted to get away from everybody knew and live in isolation with my children. I had also begun to hate myself. Then Redd Barna supporters came to my village. They met a group of widowed women, including me.
At the first meeting of widows, found that some of the other women were in a terrible state of mind. Sharing our sorrows and pain eased the burden we were carrying within us. Regular visits by the Supporters and discussions on various topics helped me get on my own two feet guickly.
My children had difficulty attending school. The supporters spoke to them separately at group meetings. Things started improving for the children too and they began attending school regularly.
I became involved with Redd Barna's credit and savings group. With that money, I started a small sarbath (cool drinks made locally) shop. My business was successful and I was able to get more credit. I then expanded my small income generation activity.
Today, learn enough money to look after my children's needs. think of the days when people would not lend me even five rupees. | used to feel miserable because life as a widow in our society is difficult.
I am no longer angry with myself. I am independent and confident. I am happy earning a decent income and supporting my children.
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Training supporters
A large and significant part of the programme involved training supporters. With adequate training, they would be able to first gain a thorough understanding of the concept behind the programme and later carry out their tasks efficiently. It was important for them to be able to relate to the widows' situation and offer the necessary Support through listening and responding appropriately during informal ConversationS.
For the benefit of those who may wish to use similar training techniques, we present details of the entire training process. It worked quite well for Save the Children (Norway) in the atmosphere of hostilities that prevailed at that time and given the limitations in terms of local skills available in the psychosocial area. Therefore, we believe the description could prove useful in formulating such training programmes under similarly stressful conditions.
The training programme we developed and followed is recorded here in the form of training instructions, so that it is readily usable. However, brief remarks are included at the end of each exercise to indicate what happened during our programme.
Once the Supporters - all young women – had been selected from within the respective communities, they were put through a rather extensive training routine. The training programme comprised a Series of exercises and was intended to prepare them for their role as supporters.
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EXERCISE1
Objective: To enable the supporters to get to know each other better
Procedure: Start the session with a round of introduction of the facilitator and supporters. The seating arrangement should be such that the participants face each other. If chairs or seats are not available, the group should form two circles and women in the inner and outer circles should face each other.
As the objective is to get the supporters to talk to each other on a one-to-one basis, first tell the women facing each other (every woman in the inner circle and the one sitting opposite her in the outer circle) to pair up and begin by introducing themselves. Tell them to talk to each other about various things - their immediate family, a recent happy event, the saddest event of their life and what they think is the most embarrassing moment of their life. Later, tell them to discuss their respective strengths.
Next, tell the women in the inner circle to move one space to their left, facing a new partner. This should continue until all the supporters have interacted with each other.
Remarks: The participants said they appreciated the opportunity to talk and be heard. They were able to strike a rapport, which marked the beginning of a bond between the supporters. Talking about their own strengths had improved their feeling of self-worth.
Later hold a group discussion and explain how important it is that each of them has been able to identify positive things about her self. Tell them that what they feel about themselves is vital. Cheerfully accepting one's weaknesses and limitations and then trying to improve is important.
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EXERCSE 2
Objectives: 1. To encourage participants to recognise the skills they have
and those that they need
2. To help them to understand how these skills can be used to
deal with problems they face in their daily lives
Materials: Sheets of paper, pens or pencils and pins
Procedure:
1.
Tell the supporters to write down two major problems they face in their work / life on one side of the paper given to them. On the other, tell them to list what they think are the skills and qualities needed to solve the problems.
Ask the supporters to pin the paper on to their dress, problem side out. Then tell them to walk around and look at the problems mentioned by the other participants, while maintaining silence.
Help the participants to form three groups based on the similarity of the problems. Ask each participant to tell the others in her group how she would use the skills and qualities she possesses to solve her problems.
Assemble the whole group again and discuss the problems identified and the skills and qualities needed. Also, discuss the various ways in which the participants said they would use similar or different skills and qualities to solve similar problems and why they did so.
5()

Remarks: The participants said that by identifying the problems and resources they had - not skills alone, but qualities as Wellthey had been able to understand themselves better. This Was necessary if they, as supporters, were to help the distressed WidoWS.
At the end of the exercise, when the participants shared their thoughts with the whole group, some said they found it difficult to put their finger on any one specific problem as they had many. The supporters realised that they could try to solve Only Some of their problems.
EXERCISE 3
Objective: To make supporters aware of the qualities of a mature Supporter
Procedure: The facilitator has to explain the following qualities to the supporters by giving examples from real life situations.
1. Self-awareness (draw attention to the previous exercises) 2. Self-acceptance
3. Self-confidence
4. Self-discipline
5. Independence and interdependence
6. Responsibility
7. Reality
8. Flexibility
9. Honesty
10. Selfilessness
After explaining, divide the participants into pairs. Ask each participant to give points to herself for each of the qualities (from the list of 10 discussed) she possesses and to her partner based on what she has learnt about her. Tell the participants to maintain silence while doing this.
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Remarks: During the group discussion at the end of the exercise, participants said that they had become aware not only of their own shortcomings, but also of the good qualities they possessed. They said they had gained a better understanding of themselves and their friends.
What the supporters said
"I never knew I had such good qualities."
"There is room for self-improvement."
"Today I came to know more about myself."
"It was great not only doing the exercise, but sharing our thoughts."
"I like this exercise. '
"I feel very good."
"It was as if my friend was holding up a mirror showing my qualities. "
"I have become aware of my shortcomings."
"I cannot believe myself."
"This is something I never learnt at school."
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EXERCISE 4
Objective: To help the participants to reflect on their lives
Procedure: 1. Tell each participant to draw a tree representing her own life.
Explain clearly with the help of the following guidelines:
a. The roots represent
O The family we belong to o Strong influences which have shaped us into the
persons We are
b. The trunk represents the structure of our life today
O Job o Family O Organisation / community we belong to
c. The leaves represent our sources of information
O Newspapers, books, reports O Radio, television o Friends, Contacts
d. The fruit represent
O Projects and programmes we have undertaken O Groups we have started or helped develop O Materials we have produced
e. The buds represent our hopes for the future
Give the participants about 20 minutes to complete this task.
2. After they have completed the "tree of life' drawings, put the
participants in small groups of three or five. Tell them to show their drawings within their groups and talk about them.
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It would be a good idea to conduct this exercise in an open-ended session. For example, in the evenings, so that the participants can continue to share their thoughts for as long as they wish to.
Remarks: The supporters said they found the exercise very useful. It had helped them understand a little more about themselves.
EXERCISE 5
Objective: To introduce the participants to their work as supporters
Materials: Sheets of paper, Crayons or Colour pencils and pens
Procedure:
1. Tell each participant to draw a picture, a symbol or a diagram illustrating the most important aspects of being a supporter. Give them 10-15 minutes to do this.
2. Ask them to form groups of five and share within their group
what they are trying to show in their drawing.
3. After all of them have explained their drawings, encourage them to continue discussing what they feel are the priorities and values essential for a supporter.
4. Form a circle and invite the groups to briefly explain the most important ideas and feelings discussed. Tell each participant to mention only one point at a time. Follow up with a brainstorming session or an open discussion.
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Remarks: When the drawings were observed, it was clear that the participants had made an effort to put some meaning into them. That meaning had been communicated to others. Many of the responses / drawings were similar.
The participants said that all of them had drawn pictures based on their individual experiences and interpreted them on the same basis.
Explain that the aim of the exercise was to first focus on the meaning of the drawings and then on how to communicate that to others. If there are many similar responses, explain how as supporters all of them have some experiences in common.
Pick up Some of the effective drawings and explain how they reveal a Common hope for an improvement in the lives of the mothers and their children.
Talk to them about how we all have strong feelings and how our pictures have a powerful way of bringing out our emotions.
EXERCISE 6
Objective: To help supporters understand the importance of communication in relationships
Materials: Board or paper with illustrations of the levels of relationships
Procedure:
First, explain to the participants with the help of a diagram, the different levels of communication. (See Figure A)
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FIGURE A
While talking about the different levels of communication, explain that at the superficial level, we can relate easily to many people. However, as we go deeper into meaningful relationships the number of people we can relate to decreases. Often, because we are not accepted for what we really are, we can have such meaningful relationships with only a few people.
Talk about how happy relationships are created when one makes an effort in that direction. If no efforts are made and there is indifference, misunderstandings arise and spoil the relationship between people. (See Figure B)
FIGURE B
. ܚܣ. As 의 盘
O. O.
الصــــــــــــــح
56
 
 
 

Explain to the supporters that relationships are built on communication, which is a two-way process. (See Figure C)
FIGURE C
A B expresses SCS listenS
A B
listerns SSSSASASSSLSLSSLSLSSqSAAAAS responds
nantawa
Communication is a two-way process
ノ
Draw their attention to the importance of feelings and listening (as explained in the next two exercises). Tell them that instead of trying to change others, we should attempt to change OurSelveS.
Discuss what needs to be done to build a good relationship. Give examples of how we share our experiences and views on various things like games, clothes and politics. Most importantly, we share feelings. Therefore, it is essential to show respect to each other's feelings. Good intentions alone will not suffice.
Remarks: The supporters said that they were able to understand the concept of feelings better. They said it was very difficult to even identify their own feelings. Pinpointing a particular feeling was difficult, for example, anger orjealousy.
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EXERCISE 7
Objective:
To make supporters understand that feelings form the basis of
relationships
Materials:
Sheets of paper with a printed or written list offeelings and emotions
Procedure:
Tell participants to form groups of five and go through the list of feelings provided. They have to choose a positive and a negative feeling and then tell others in their groups what they feel when they experience each of the two feelings.
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LIST OF FEELINGS
1. Accepted 16 2. Affectionate 17 3. Afraid 18 4. Angry 19. 5. Anxious 20 6. Bored 21 7. Belong to a community 22 8. Competitive 23 9. Confused 24 10. Defensive 25 11. Disappointed 26 12. Free 27 13. Fru Strated 28 14. Guilty 29. 15. Hopeful 30
. Hurt
Inferior . Jealous
Joyful
. Lonely . LOVling . Rejected . Repulsed . Sad . Satisfied . Shy . Suspicious . Superior
Harassed
. Trusting
 

Explain what they have to do with the help of the following examples.
EXAMPLE A
When I feel accepted...
feel Warm and Comfortable I feel Safe
I feel free to be myself
feel like sitting back and relaxing I feel I can let down my guard I feel like sharing my feelings freely I feel some of my fears easing I feel at home, at peace I feel my loneliness drifting away
EXAMPLEB
When I feel scared...
My mouth dries up My bowels become loose I can feel butterflies in my stomach
feel like running away I feel very uncomfortable
feel the need to talk to Someone feel useless I feel very vulnerable I feel like crying
feel like clamping up
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2. After the supporters have described how they feel when they experience some of those emotions, tell them how to develop a good vocabulary of words to describe feelings in order to be able to use effective phrases and statements to describe their own emotional state. This would help them identify similar feelings in the mothers and children while conducting the programme.
3. Note to the facilitator:
Use what you feel is appropriate from the following notes depending on the needs of the group. These notes on understanding feelings were written to explain things in a simple way and are not conventional definitions of the subject.
Feelings have a great deal to do with the way we think, decide, act or behave. Our reactions or behaviour is often Controlled by our feelings. However, that does not mean that it is the best reaction or behaviour.
Feelings need to be combined with reason. Emotions like anger have to be controlled. Sometimes, when We are not aware of our true feelings or try to suppress them, we could end up with feelings dominating our lives. That would make us feel miserable and could even ruin our relationships. Remember that relationships play an important part in our happiness.
Sometimes, very powerful feelings can be destructive. How they arise is a very complex issue. They cannot be uprooted, but they can be directed by reason.
Feelings can be very powerful. They cannot be labelled as right or Wrong and good or bad, but they can be positive/negative, helpful/unhelpful and pleasants unpleasant.
By learning to recognise our feelings, we can try to use them Creatively. For example, we learn to express our true feelings
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to people whom we can trust. That can make us happy and free and our relationships grow more open.
4. Ask the participants if they can think of an occasion when they wanted to say something and did not do so. Then ask them the following questions:
a) What kept you from saying it? b) How did you feel about the person then? c) How did you feel about yourself?
Remarks: As the group continued its discussions, participants Who felt they needed help of some sort, sought one-to-One Counselling sessions with the facilitator or an opportunity to discuss their problems.
During these sessions, it became clear that many of the Supporters themselves had undergone trauma of varying degrees. The facilitator learnt that Some of them had suffered Or Continued to Suffer from Various illnesses due to the trauma.
In the course of the evening and overnight sessions one participant complained of severe breathing difficulty, while another said she suffered from chest pain. Some others complained of headaches and sleeplessness.
The facilitator offered such participants a lot of supportive counselling during the interaction. It was important to let the supporters grieve first for their own losses, before they could help the Widows to grieve.
At the end of the exercise, these participants said they felt much
better because they were able to talk to someone who cared and |listerned.
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EXERCISE 8
Objective: To explain the importance of "listening' in relationships
PrO Cedure:
1. Start with a role-play on listening.
SCENE 1: Two women meet. One of them starts talking
and gets so carried away with what she is saying, that she pays no attention to the other Woman's attempts to speak. After repeated attempts to ask a question, respond, or make suggestions, the Second woman gives up. (Tell the participants to decide on a topic prior to starting.)
SCENE 2: Two women meet and both start talking. They
enduire about each other's interests, ask questions and wait for the other to reply. Each of them listens to the other and responds appropriately. They share news and opinions. (Again participants should decide on topics beforehand.)
2. Next, ask the participants the following questions:
a) What did you see happening in scenes 1 & 22
b) Do these things happen in real life?
c) What can we do to communicate better, in particular during
supporters' meetings with the widows?
3. Explain to the supporters how they could hold spontaneous conversations with the mothers, without manipulating or embarrassing them in any way. Tell them they could meet the mothers at any convenient place like the market, while travelling in buses, at the village well or even in their homes. These meetings could take place before or after formal meetings.
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Also, explain that knowing someone cares about them and wants to listen to them will help build trust in the mothers and enable them to discuss their difficulties freely.
Tell the supporters that the mothers should not be aware that Such informal conversations are being reported back to the office or to the facilitator. Tell them to ensure that reports about such meetings are kept strictly confidential.
Remarks: During discussions at the end of the exercise on listening, the supporters said it had made them realise that listening in an earnest manner is difficult. Some even said that it had been the first time they were actually listening to others.
ILLUSTRATION: Exercise 9
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EXERCISE 9
Objective: To make the supporters aware of the nature of attitudes
Materials: Board or sheet of paper with illustration
Procedure: Talk about attitudes. Explain what attitudes are with the help of the illustration.
Note to the facilitator: Ask the supporters what makes them judge people. Explain how they do this because of their attitudes. Attitudes are opinions about religion, race, even anybody or anything. Give examples. Talk to them about how each one of us is different. Remind them everyone has his/her side of the story. Also, explain that all of us need not have the same attitudes and that our attitudes Colour our individual perceptions.
Talk to the supporters about the sources of attitudes:
a. Personal / environment / parents and home b. School / education / books / teachers / Sources of information c. Religion / philosophy
d. Experiences
Discuss the characteristics of attitudes based on the following points:
a. All attitudes have a direction, i.e., you are either for or against
something/someone b. Strength of attitudes - some cling strongly, some less rigidly c. The strength of an attitude is evident from the intensity of
feelings it gives rise to d. There are two sides to an attitude, one is based on knowledge
and the other on feeling, which may not be rational
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Remarks: The supporters said that they found it difficult to understand the topic itself. They realised that changing their own attitudes was very difficult. So, getting others to change theirS WOuld be more of a challenge.
EXERCISE 10
Objectives: To make them aware of in-built attitudes towards oneself and otherS
Materials:
Five large sheets of paper, each with a drawing of a face representing an attitude as seen in the illustration
LLUSTRATION: Exercise 10
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Procedure:
1.
Attach the sheets with the faces on One Wall, a little distance apart from each other
Ask participants to place themselves under the appropriate faces in response to certain words or phrases, which give them most or least pleasure. For example, family, friends, job, being idle, yourself, widows, children, group meetings, Save the Children (Norway).
Now discuss the following as a group:
a) Positive / negative attitudes
b) The possibility of changing one's attitudes c) Ways and means of achieving attitudinal change
Notes for facilitator's use during discussion:
a)
if an attitude is largely knowledge-based, it can be changed, not by force but out of realisation. In this case, presenting logical arguments could help change attitudes.
If it is feelings-based, presenting facts will not help. In this case, the attitude can be changed if a strong positive feeling is provided. For example, talk to the participants about attitudes towards widows in our society and how we should encourage people to accept and respect them.
RemarkS: The supporters Said that this exercise showed them in a practical way that attitudes could vary.
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EXERCISE 11
Objective: To help participants understand what motivates them and other people
Materials:
Several copies of the checklist with the heading "What motivates me?'
LUSTRATION: Exercise 11
Procedure:
1. Divide the participants into groups of five. Hand out the checklist and ask each person to go through it separately and tick what each feels is applicable.
2. Tell the participants to share their lists with others in their group,
identify and discuss similarities and differences.
3. Get the whole group to select a few of the key motivating factors
that were identified and discuss them. In the discussion, focus on why these factors motivate them.
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CHECKLIST
From the list below, pick out five items or reasons, which you believe, are the most important in motivating you or have had the greatest influence in encouraging you to be involved in an activity.
What motivates me?
enjoy it; it is interesting Others are doing it it leads to recognition from others It is easy
feel that the task is important have the Skills to do it feel trusted and respected when I do it I have the opportunity to do a good job I will be disappointed if I do not do it
. I have a chance to help with the planning ... I get along well with others involved in the task . I have the opportunity to take responsibility . I have a lot of freedom doing it . I have the opportunity to grow and develop . I have the opportunity to meet others . I have the opportunity to earn rewards (money, praise,
pleasure)
Remarks: The supporters said it was good to be able to closely examine their motivations for becoming supporters.
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EXERCISE 12
Objectives: To help participants examine their attitudes towards the widows To help participants think about the widows' attitudes towards them as supporters
Materials: Sheets of paper, pens or pencils
Procedure:
1.
Divide participants into two groups. Group A will represent supporters; Group B will represent a group of widowed mothers.
Distribute sheets with different statements to members of Groups A and B.
Ask each person to write on the back of her slip of paper a sentence describing the attitude of the person who may have made such a statement.
Tell the members of each group to discuss within the group, the statements they were given and the sentences they have written on the back of the slips of paper.
Reassemble as one group and ask each participant to read the statement she received and how she has described the image, she has in her mind of the person who may have made that statement.
Lead a discussion on the statements. Reflect on the attitudes of the groups representing the supporters and the mothers. Discuss the implications of their reactions.
Note to the facilitator: Each of the following statements should be written down on separate slips of paper for distribution to Group A (who play the role of supporters) and Group B (who act as mothers in a war situation).
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Statements for distribution to GROUPA (supporters):
I have always been a failure, but I am really going to try this time. The supporters did not really explain it to me. I will ask more questions the next time. They think I am helpless because I am alone. The supporters may have theoretical knowledge from books, but I would like to see them tackle my daily chores. As a widow, I am a second class person.
shall remain at home where I belong. I do not need these supporters. I may not have money, but I have the best home garden in the community. What do they expect me to do - live on nothing? They must be stupid; it takes so many of them to solve one little problem.
Statements for distribution to GROUP B (mothers):
We know best how to help people in your situation.
O We have ways of doing things that will make it easier for both
you and uS. There is a right way and a wrong way of doing things. We are here to be helpful; trust us to help you. Our Way of doing things has been tested and proved the best way for all. Widowed Women are probably the hardest people to teach things to.
look around the community and wonder how I can be sure What these Women need to learn or Will not learn One is never too old to learn, but I Wonder if I can convince them of that.
You cannot teach new tricks to an old dog.
Remarks: The supporters said that they had to confront unexpected issues and attitudes. The exercise had made them question some Of their own attitudes.
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EXERCISE 13
Objective: To build a sense of unity among the supporters
Materials: A big ball of thick string or cord
Procedure:
1.
Arrange the group in a circle and hand the ball of string to one participant. Tell her to hold on to the loose end of the string and throw the ball to any of the other participants. Before each person throws the ball, she has to give one reason for becoming a supporter. Continue until all the participants complete their turn.
What you will have at the end of this exercise is a network of string, similar to the one in the illustration.
Lead a discussion on the visual representation, explaining how it represents all the positive power generated during the entire training programme. Ensure that all the supporters participate in the discussion.
Remarks: At the end of this exercise, the supporters said they had learnt that there was strength in being together, in supporting each Other. The supporters said they were confident of achieving together What they could not perhaps achieve on their own. They felt ready to carry out their task with adequate guidance from the facilitator
and other Staff.
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ILLUSTRATION: Exercise 13
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What the widows say Indrani
My mother was a widow. She brought up my three siblings and me with great difficulty. I attended a government school and studied up to O levels. Then I was married off.
Life was not very cosy, but my husband and I were quite happy in Our Own Way. We were even blessed with a son. But, our happiness was short-lived. Nearly four years after our marriage, my husband was killed. He and my brother had gone to the town to buy provisions for the house. Both of them were killed in the crossfire. I had become a widow and my whole world was shattered.
was very depressed and there were times when I thought would become mad. I was angry, shocked and grief-stricken. No words of comfort could soothe my pain. I wanted to end my life. My Son was only eleven months old and I could not concentrate on caring for him. So, my relatives looked after the baby.
One day, a Redd Barna supporter visited us. She noted some details, but was not in a mood to talk. She came to see me regularly after that. Slowly, I began talking about myself.
Then attended the mothers' meeting. That gave me the courage to meet others who were in the same plight. At the overnight session, I could share more of my feelings with others in the group. Though it was a rather slow process, I did change. In fact, others noticed that I was being supportive to members of my group. Someone suggested that I apply for the post of a supporter with Redd Barna.
applied and got the job. My work as a supporter has brought new meaning to my life. I cannot believe that I had once wanted to run away from life. My only wish now is that this war should end and We should have peace. No more deaths, no more widows of war and violence anywhere on earth.
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PART IV Children in Conflict situations

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Children traumatised by War
"...War has a particularly devastating effect on children. There are more than 10 million child refugees around the world. Children can be incarcerated with adults or forcibly recruited in the armed services as a matter of routine policy. They are tortured in front of their parents, sentenced to death and even executed. Racial and religious discrimination against children and their families remain serious problems."
- Kay Castelle from Protection of Children a Global Need
Our mandate is to Work for the Welfare of Children and that is undoubtedly linked to the well being of their families and a stable environment. As stated in the beginning, it was primarily this consideration that prompted our endeavour to support war widows.
Therefore, while documenting our work with widows, we also describe how Children are affected as a result of Conflict. This chapter takes a look at the problems children face in such Circumstances and underlines the pressing need for psychosocial assistance to War-affected Children.
All Over the World, children are the most Vulnerable victims of War and violence. Their homes and belongings are destroyed, their parents killed, and often, they are witnesses to these and other acts of brutality. It affects education and health facilities so vital to their development. In all these ways and more, their rights as set out in the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child are violated.
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The loss of one or both parents has the worst possible effect on a child. Actually seeing them being killed, taken away or tortured can leave deep psychological scars that tend to affect not just their childhood years but their future lives as adults as well.
Children value small things that lend meaning to their lives. Therefore, even the loss of small "treasures' hurts them intensely. For example, leaving behind a favourite toy or a dress when forced to flee their homes in the wake of violence can be depressing for children. Even listening to stories of brutality and killings can affect them adversely.
Our supporters observed regressive behaviour like bed-wetting, uncontrolled Crying and clinging to mothers for fear of separation among children of war widows and other war-affected children. A generalised fear of people in uniform was also reported.
Other symptoms of anxiety like restlessness and irritability, difficulty in concentration in school going children were also observed. There were also reports of children who had been traumatised or had witnessed killing becoming combatants.
However, some positive effects were also observed among waraffected children. For example, among older children, peer groups seemed to provide some kind of support, while older siblings looked after younger children. In some cases, children who had strong inner resilience were able to be supportive of the mother and sibilings.
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Case study Lingeswaran
Seven years old, Lingeswaran looks small for his age. He has a friendly smile on his face. He is not nervous when we visit him at his School and shows us around. He introduces us to One of his brothers and his best friend. Lingeswaran has a speech problem and expresses himself in very short sentences.
His teacher, who is trying to manage a classroom with too many children, says Lingeswaran comes from a very poor family. He cannot afford the school uniform, but has some basic stationery. He walks ten miles to school and back, along with two older brothers. The teacher has not observed that he has a speech problem, but says Lingeswaran needs special assistance with his lessons.
Lingeswaran is a child caught up in the midst of the conflict. His father was killed in crossfire in a Jaffna village. His twin suffered from diarrhoea and died due to the lack of medical attention. Another sibling was killed when a coconut fell on the child's head as the family was trying to take cover during an air raid.
Their house was burnt down and the family lost all their worldly possessions. After staying at a refugee camp for a while, his mother took the children back to their village, where they have been reSettled.
A narrow path leads from the main road to their tiny village of 15 huts. Cadjan fences surround the huts. Some households in the village maintain poultry, while a few Women weave mats from palmyrah leaves, which are so characteristic of the peninsula.
Lingeswaran's mother is in her early thirties. As a widow, her status in the society is affected and she faces religious and cultural restrictions. She earns a living out of selling hoppers. It is hard work; she is up by four in the morning and her day ends atten in the night.
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She has three other children aged twelve, nine and two. She does not have enough time for her children, especially Lingeswaran, who creates trouble simply to get her attention. He steals or destroys things and at times, even runs away from home. He cries profusely and sometimes hits his mother. At seven, Lingeswaran still wets his bed. The mother says all three school-going boys display hyperactive behaviour.
Lingeswaran, she says, is the most difficult of her children. However, he does his homework promptly. Education is very important in life, she says. She is worried about his speech problem, as strangers often do not understand what he says. She realises it is important to give all the children more attention and love, but earning money to keep the household going and taking care of the two-year-old child, takes up all her time and energy.
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Children in distress: a survey
In 1990, Save the Children (Norway) conducted a survey in Jaffna of children in distress. The objective of the survey was to collect information regarding stress symptoms in children living for a long period in an atmosphere of conflict.
The target group was children aged between 4 and 12 living in Kopay and Nallur areas of Jaffna. The mothers of some of these children were participating in the War Widows Programme. They were required to answer a questionnaire. (See appendix pages 119-120)
The survey was carried out by 15 area supporters and six cluster supporters. Each area supporter regularly visited the homes of six or eight widows. Besides assisting in childcare, the supporters also helped them sort out their emotional problems by listening to them and responding appropriately. The supporters had undergone basic training before visiting the mothers with the questionnaires, so that they could identify children in distress.
Eighty-five families participated in the survey, including 178 children (97 boys and 81 girls) in the 4-12 age group. Seventy of these families had been forced to flee their homes in 1989 and almost all of them stayed in refugee camps. The houses of 19 families were either burnt or damaged, while 18 families lost their property due to theft or fire. In six families, there had been more than one death due to the Conflict.
Some of the widowed Women got assistance from relatives or social Service organisations, while others received Rs.50, 000 as Compensation for the death of their spouses. In 12 per cent of the families, older children made financial contribution by doing various kinds of Work. About 73 per cent of the widows earned money though various income generating activities like making hoppers, farming and rolling beedis.
8O

Survey findings
The findings of this survey indicate some of the possible ways in which conflicts affect children. Recommendations on ways to help children in such situations have been included in the last chapter of the book. (See pages 98-100)
The mothers were asked to identify symptoms of distress that their children displayed. According to the information they gave, 58 boys and 39 girls showed at least one symptom.
The exposure of children to war over long periods (in Jaffna, since 1983) during their formative years will certainly influence their development. In general, behavioural problems surface later in life and persist as long-term symptoms. Behavioural problems can be divided into two main types: the over anxious-dependent type and the anti-social-aggressive type.
The symptoms mostmentioned among the Jaffna children included in the survey were separation anxiety, hyperactive behaviour and concentration problems (all belonging to the first type) and aggressive and destructive behaviour (second type).
Emotional reactions usually appear soon after a traumatic event and tend to decrease when the situation continues for a long period. The least mentioned symptoms of sleep and speech problems belong to this group of short-term symptoms.
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LIST OF SYMPTOMS
1. Speech problems 11. Wetting or soiling 2. Sleep problems 12. Backward Or Slow 3. Falls Or fits 13. Hyperactive behaviour 4. Headaches 14. Eating problems 5. Destructive behaviour 15. Poor Concentration 6. Running away 16. Regression 7. Stealing 17. Excessive crying 8. Scared OrnerVOUS 18. Aggressive behaviour 9. Fear or avoidance 19. Withdrawn behaviour 10. Problems at play 20. Separation anxiety
Among boys, the most frequently mentioned symptoms were destructive, hyperactive and aggressive behaviour, separation anxiety and poor concentration.
For girls, they were hyperactive behaviour, separation anxiety and poor concentration. This could be because boys generally imitate what they see around them, while local cultural norms do not encourage girls to show emotions of aggression.
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GRAPH: Children in distress Percentage of children having symptoms
25
20
15
10
సో నీ భరో లో న్యోగి గో هيم ܪܘ S' S ఫ్యోగోజోళ్యలోజోగోరోజో $ లోగో లో "ܘܓ S తో*్మలో లో న° జో"ܘܢ
SS
SS.مح$
ზაS
జోభ
S WS s న్లో*్యతో లో ృణీ مرصهم. “نمي
*ܟ݂ ܘ݂
symptoms
నో ܘ*
ܠ ܐ ܘ ܠ ܐ
Symptoms appeared to be age-specific. In very small children, bed-wetting, falls, fits and destructive behaviour were reported. Children aged 10-12 had psychosomatic complaints like sleep problems, headaches and the fear or avoidance of painful memOrieS.
There were more children with symptoms at the age of 4 years and in the 8 to 12 age group. Many of these children lost their fathers in 1987, when they were mere babies or in the age group of 5 to 9.
A possible explanation could be that babies are totally dependent On their parents. In case of their fathers' death, they become solely dependent on the mothers at a time when the Women are traumatised. Babies' trauma is magnified by the fact that they are very sensitive to their mothers' grief.
Twenty-two children witnessed violence towards a relative or other persons close to them. Sixteen of them showed symptoms ranging from number 1 to 7. Hyperactivity and separation anxiety were mentioned most often.
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Nine children were still separated from their parents for various reasons at the time of the survey. All of them showed all symptoms ranging from numbers 1 to 11. In the case of these children, hyperactivity and destructive behaviour were symptoms mentioned most often,
At the end of the survey, supporters reported that five mothers seemed incapable of coping with the situation. Without exception, children of these women displayed both emotional and behavioural problems.
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Pages from a diary
Baby Susirtha's silent cry
I am Susirtha. I was conceived sometime in the month of May 1990, but no one knew about this for a while, not even my aa.
My heart has begun beating and I am growing a little every day. When amma eats, she feeds me too. My arms and legs begin to take shape. even have tiny fingers and hair on my scalp.
It is dark around me, but I can see. I am comfortable inside my mother's Womb. wait eagerly for the day when I can see my amma and appa. I shall love them very much.
It is November and my amma appears very disturbed. I can hear her heartbeating rapidly. She is breathing heavily too. I can sense these disturbing changes inside her. I feel helpless. My mother is running fast, but she is trying to be careful because of me. My loving father is helping her along.
Oh! I hear a booming noise. Amma has fallen down. I am so sorry for you, amma..
I feel uncomfortable now. I wish I could get out and comfort my mother, but am not yet fully ready to come out. My mother suffers alone in the thick jungle outside as struggle to come out. I hear my mother crying and then a woman comes to assist her.
Slowly, painfully, break free and come out into the world. It looks all right. Even the jungle is beautiful. But, it is Cold and am a premature baby. The people around curse me. I have not caused any trouble and cannot understand why. "A girl, she's only a girl," they say. "What bad luck she has brought to her family and all of us!"
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My mother cries and cry too. I am washed in cold water. Now, my mother carries me in her arms. It feels so warm and Comfortable. I know she loves me. I love her too. I like it when she caresses and kisses me.
It is January 1st, 1991. My father is killed suddenly. My mother is angry, frightened and very sad. People call her a widow.
Her name is Vasanthamalar. Do you know what that means? Flower of spring. It is such a beautiful name. She is only 18 years old and she cries often.
I had thought my parents and every one in this world would love me and help me grow up. I thought this was a happy world. It seems I was mistaken. No one appears happy here.
My mother is hot with fever. I feel hot and sick too. People say we are suffering from malaria. I do not get to drink my mother's milk any more. She is very sick and cannot hold me close. No one cares for me. I am cold and hungry and do not like the milk people give me.
It is March already and I am very sick. They say it is marusmus.
can see, hear and feel everything, but I am in severe pain. My
mother is confused and helpless. She does not know what to do and suffers alongside me.
Today is the 6th of March. A Redd Barna team has come to our camp. They are shocked at my condition. My mother is dressed in a Saree now and looks beautiful. Oh, amma Will I ever become strong enough to hold you? She wonders whether I will live. I need my mother's love and milk, but no one bothered to advise my mother about how to care for me.
NOW I am in a Car. There are no flies around me. So, I am able
to sleep peacefully. My mother seems to have gathered some Courage.
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We are taken to a hospital. I am given better milk, but I want my mother to feed me. I can hear people encouraging my mother to feed me. I stop crying. I am still very sick. They say I am in a critical condition, but, I don't know what that means. I am happy as there are people to take care of my mother and me. Will be able to get better?
Baby Susirtha died three days after admission to hospital. Help had arrived too late for her.
March 1991
The untimely death of a mother
A trip from Colombo to Jaffna by road or rail used to take only a few hours. If you started early in the morning, you could reach Jaffna for a late lunch. But, this trip, coordinated by Redd Barna and sponsored by CDA involved 24 hours of travelling by land and sea. It included hours of waiting. This is the best that is possible in these days of internal unrest.
It was the 4th of October 1994. I was returning to Colombo by the ICRC ship after ten days of fieldwork in Jaffna. In the evening, there was a huge downpour. As I was very tired, I went into the cabin and fell asleep.
At dawn, I was up before the others. I stood on the deck to watch the Sunrise. The sky was still grey with shades of pink. There was no sign of the Sun yet and I was in a sombre mood. could not stop thinking about the death of a widow who was in our programme.
Thangatchiamma Krishnan was killed recently, in a shelling incident when a place called Atchuvely in Jaffna was bombed. She had joined our War Widows Programme on 12th August and had attended three sessions conducted by the field coordinator and supporters of the unit.
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Barely two weeks before her death, Thangatchiamma was at the overnight session along with five of her children aged below 16 years.
After her husband's death, her 23-year-old son had looked after the family until unidentified gunmen shot him dead and the family lost its second breadwinner. It was after his death that Thangatchiamma had joined our mothers' programme. She had numerous burdens to carry and was emotionally very distressed.
She had a 20-year-old daughter, whose husband had deserted her. Thangatchiamma had to take care of her and a two-year-old grandchild. Another son, aged 19, had married and left the village in search of better opportunities. During those difficult days, 16-year-old Pathminie was a source of strength to her nOther.
Then came another round of shelling. Thangatchiamma's 15year-old son, Pararajasingham, escaped unhurt, while daughter Saroja, 13, suffered injuries. I was deeply saddened to see Saroja hurt because she was deaf and could not communicate properly with any one. Yet, she brightened up visibly when our supporters visited them.
Pathminie was severely injured with large gashes on her head and diaphragm and shrapnel in the leg, which had not been removed when I saw her. She was in great physical pain and grief-stricken as her mother and younger sister had sustained fatal injuries. Sister Gangathevy, 10, had died on the spot.
Thangatchiamma was still alive when she was brought to the hospital, but was bleeding profusely. Later, she succumbed to her injuries. We saw her lifeless body in the hospital mortuary. The Redd Barna family gathered to pay our last respects to these innocent victims.
was jolted out of these sad thoughts when I heard greetings of "Good morning on the deck.
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As for the rost of Thangatchiamma's family, all children below 18 years of age joined Redd Barna's child and caregiver programme. The eldest daughter joined our group of caregivers.
October 1994
The trauma of a 10-year-old
Siva was 10 years old when his mother became a widow. News of his father's death reached them barely six days after his mother had given birth to a baby boy. It plunged his mother into a state of severe shock. She became numb with sorrow and was unable to even Cry.
The eldest of the children, Siva had two younger sisters. The birth of a little brother had made him happy, but happiness was suddenly snuffed out of their lives with their father's death.
After performing his father's funeral, the 10-year-old found himself responsible for the entire family. His mother lost the ability to breast feed the baby and Siva's uncle had to bring Some milk for the baby. Some women in the neighbourhood tried to help by Cooking special dishes and offering suggestions to encourage secretion of milk, but it was of no use.
In the evenings, the women gathered at Siva's house and chanted verses. Nothing could move his mother. Within a month, the infant died. Siva's mother seemed to have lost interest in life. In her delicate state of health after childbirth. She needed her husband by her side. Her whole world seemed to have Crashed after his Sudden death.
"One day, my mother took me to the field. She was talking to me
and fell down suddenly. She had stopped talking. People later told me she was dead,' Siva told me.
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Two of his mother's sisters took over the responsibility of caring for the children. Siwa had to live With one aunt, While his sisters Went a Way With another aunt. Redd Barna supporters, Who Worked with the children, arranged for the three of them to meet as often as possible.
Siwa hid his Sorrow and outwardly, he was just like any other child, busy with schoolwork and play. One day, during the Overnight Session, he began Weeping profusely. Later, he told the supporters that the picture he chose for one of the activities dealing with feelings had reminded him of his dead baby borter,
Working with widows also means Working with their children. Providing psychosocial support to both is very important. In this Case, a Child who had not grieved the loss of a brother got the opporturity to let go in the midst of friends who were also distressed. The unexpected and Violent death of even one person can upset the whole family.
May 1993
ዛዛ !

PARTW
Conclusion
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The previous chapters have dealt with tho trauma oxperienced by the Widows and their children through a description of their respective predicaments. We have also explained in detail Our efforts to alleviate their sufferings, with particular reference to their psychosocial needs.
We begin this chapter with a summary of the evaluation of the War Widows Programme. We also present recommendations in the form of basic actions, which have a therapeutic effect on widows and War-affected children. We end on a note of hope, With exampleS Of widows who overcame the shock of losing their husbands, cared for their children and today, own small businesses.
Evaluation
Here is a synopsis of the evaluation of the programme for widows in Batticaloa based on a field visit Conducted in March 1995 by a consultant psychologist.
At the time of the visit, the project was working with 194 widows. A project coordinator headed a team of four field coordinators, two clerks and 30 supporters.
The objective of the field visit was to assess various aspects of work related to the programme for widows. This involved assessing the approaches applied by the field staff, the ways in which they were responding to various problems raised by the widows and follow-up work after field visits.
The process included interviewing some families who were part of the programme and the field coordinator, while the staff was required to answer a questionnaire. The evaluator finally conducted a workshop on the staff's tasks to find out how they defined important problems, dealt with them and how they perceived their role as Supporters.
()2

The evaluator Concluded:
O The approaches applied by the staff seem to facilitate the development of a close, caring and sometimes lasting relationship. Widows and supporters emphasised the importance of informal counselling during their conversations.
O The supporters respond to and assist the widows and their families in dealing with most of the problems faced by them. Significantly, this is done using the "befriender' approach rather than the model of a social Worker.
O At the field Coordinators' level, there is a need for an organised approach as they face a multitude of problems in giving guidance to and Supervising the Supporters. Training of staff should continue to be in a common sense language, the introduction of theoretical constructs or professional Concepts could prove an obstacle.
O Handling and follow-up of information gathered after homes field visits could be better systemised. Records on participants' progress need to be promptly updated. Filing of sensitive, personal information should be kept to the minimum and proper procedures for ensuring confidentiality should be worked out.
O Staff hierarchy is clearly defined with regard to steering the programme and there seems to be a consensus on role expectancies when it comes to division of work. The field Coordinators play an important role, helping both supporters and the project coordinator in their work.
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At the end of the field observation, the Consultant made the following recommendations on working methods and activities:
1. Introduce group discussions related to presentation of problems from the fieldwork as a regular item on the agenda at the weekly meeting where each field coordinator meets the supporters she supervises.
2. Introduce a "lessons learned' item on the agenda at the monthly meeting, so that the staff groups have the opportunity to share cases or problems from their practical work. This might be valuable in increasing the competence in the large staff group.
3. Work vis-a-vis the participants should include the extended family So as to avoid a situation where supporters "replace' the relatives' responsibility in giving help if they are able to Contribute in any way. This can be done by increasing the staff's awareness on what happens when they intervene as "helpers' in a family group.
4. To facilitate social integration of the participants in the Community, more public events where the village people are invited to take part should be organised. Cultural and recreational activities like folk dance and music, story telling and art can be organised in collaboration with the participants using local resource persons.
5. Ensure that the supporters address issues important to the mourning process of the participants. The question frequently raised by mothers and caregivers is: "What do I tell the child about his father's / parents' death?" This issue could be cautiously introduced at a group meeting with the participants and followed up during home visits. If emotional support is provided, this issue can also be addressed at the overnight sessions for the widows, with a positive outcome for both mothers / caregivers and children.
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6.
Introduce a two-year 'graduate programme' for the unaccompanied children at the age of 16/17 years, when school-going children normally finish their 'O' level exams. The graduate programme should make an individual progress plan for the child to prepare him to earn some income. Assistance and guidance should be made available to the children regarding vocational training or some income generating activities. Increased networking with district authorities, youth organisations (like NYSC) and potential employers is important.
Awareness and advocacy work is needed for highlighting the
obstacles children face in getting formal education (school fees, birth certificates and teachers' attitudes to orphans).
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Basic therapeutic actions
In many countries, Save the Children (Norway) is working with communities continually threatened by armed conflicts where attacks on unarmed civilians, abduction, disappearances, summary executions and massacres, pillaging, burning, bombing and shelling are common.
In these communities, many families have been affected by such incidents of violence and torment. In the case of lengthy civil wars, traumas and StreSSes a CCumulate.
Some of the ways in which individuals and families cope with such abnormal stress are very visible, like entire families fleeing from danger to safer places or altogether leaving their countries.
Other coping mechanisms can be more personal and less obvious, like the denial of actual danger or the development of a fatalistic outlook.
When We consider the situation of children in such circumstances, we see that the psychological distress caused by the initial trauma, for example, the loss of the father, is followed by a whole series of Severely stressing events that contribute greatly to the child's distress.
This minimises the possibility of recovery and the continuation of a normal developmental process.
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"It is probable that these often preventable stresses have in the long run a more serious effect on the development of a child than the initial traumatic event of loss of father/mother. Although extremely distressing, most children who have access to good, sustained emotional and physical care from other persons close to them, Would probably be able to Cope psychologically with such losses in the absence of the secondary stress factors."
- Dr. Elizabeth Jareg
Such secondary stress factors may take the form of humiliation, isolation, being blamed, separation (e.g. from siblings) and deprivation due to the worsened economic situation accompanying the loss of the family's main breadwinner. Dropping out of school (which starts a new cycle of disadvantage), displacement (which could last for many years) and the loss of inheritance and land are other stress factors.
In the aftermath of a war or even during a period of conflict, many children are left in a psychological condition, which, even in normal circumstances would Warrant individual attention. That was not possible in areas where Save the Children (Norway) was working mainly because of the sheer numbers involved, but also due to the lack of adequate professional skills among personnel.
However, there are a number of measures, which can be undertaken within the context of relief and rehabilitation projects to alleviate the emotional troubles of families and children, which might be termed basic therapeutic actions.
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We found that several basic therapeutic actions adoptod by Is have combined to produce a strong healing effect. Such actions include:
Developing listening skills in community Workers
Enabling the women to share their grief and worries
Making the women aware of their own resources and strengths, showing them respect
O Guiding the grieving women to recognise their children's
needs
Giving children the opportunity to talk about their situation and Worries
象 Providing assistance to improve the income base - they
need financial and moral support and training for skills development
Save the Children (Norway) realised that helping mothers recover
is one of the best ways to help children to cope with the stress of war ... and to re-establish a sense of normality within the family.
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The following are some examples of basic therapeutic actions specifically directed at children:
For children who have been separated from their parents during wartime, start an immediate search to bring about reunification as soon as possible. Knowing someone is actively searching for their parents helps reduce distress considerably.
Prevent separation of siblings after parents' death by looking for alternative arrangements to placement in institutions.
Help the community to develop conditions whereby children can return to a normal daily routine as soon as possible, including going to school. Give priority to those children who have suffered personal losses.
Integrating the knowledge of how children of different ages react when psychologically distressed, with primary health care teaching will open up discussions with mothers in the community.
Conduct Courses for teachers to Create awareness about how they can help children who have suffered losses and, in general, how they can help their class during conflict.
Conduct special programmes for teachers. There is evidence that teachers can play an important role in preventing children from being humiliated by their peers after losing a parent and in influencing attitudes among both children and their parents.
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O Create community awareness on how children experience
wartime through meetings with Community leaders.
Reestablish play and sports activities. Access to fun and laughter is therapeutically of great importance to children.
O Involve children also in project / programme activities
when appropriate. Giving children meaningful tasks in the rebuilding of their community can have a healing effect. The development of self-confidence is a solid defence against becoming passive, aggressive or depressed, especially in the young adolescent.
O Develop methods in pre-schools to help small children
express their anxieties and sorrows, for example, using puppets or other creative forms of expression.
O Group sessions with children and adolescents or 'talk shops' with pre-planned follow-up can be very useful.
Many other activities could be termed therapeutic. The essential starting point is to gain an insight into how children are experiencing their situation, what they find particularly distressing, destructive or hopeless and how they are being functionally handicapped by circumstances beyond their control.
It is important that basic therapeutic actions be rooted in the Community, developed through reliable, sustained relationships with affected groups, families and other individuals in the community. They must have specific aims and promote personal growth, psychological healing and self-reliance.
Above all, these actions would be most effective if integrated into other relief and rehabilitation activities.
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Case study MuthulakShmi
Sixteen years ago, Muthulakshmi was a happy woman. Her husband earned well, they had a decent home and lived comfortably. They had five children - three boys and two girls.
One morning, her husband went to a bookshop in the town. Suddenly, there was a big explosion close to the shop and he was shot dead in the firing that followed. That was only the beginning of Muthulakshmi's troubles.
She managed to get on with life with the help of her eldest son. In 1990, Communal violence erupted in the town and hundreds of people fled to other places in the district and many went missing. Muthulakshmi's eldest son was amongst them and she never saw him again. Her efforts to trace him through the International Committee of the Red Cross have yielded no results.
Three years ago, a shell landed inside the dilapidated shack where she and her family continue to live. Her 18-year-old daughter was hit by a piece of shrapnel that is still embedded close to her lungs.
Another daughter's nerves were cut near the Wrist, shrapnel left a hole in the armpit and her husband deserted her after this incident. She now lives with her three children in Muthulakshmi's house.
Muthulakshmi's 13-year-old son lost a leg after being hit by shrapnel. He now goes about with an artificial limb, which is worn out. Muthulakshmi says she does not have the money to buy a new limb. The boy is in grade 10 and is keen on studies. Education would be his only source of strength, she says, as he cannot earn a livelihood as a labourer.
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Only one of her children, who is now 18years old, escaped unhurt. He now hopes to get admission to the university.
Taking care of her children and grand children is a huge responsibility. Muthulakshmi says she has benefited from the War Widows Programme, both emotionally and financially.
Outside the Shack where the family lives, is a small shed. Here She prepares Snacks with vegetables and Sarbat, a cool drink made out of fruit essence and ice bought from the market. Muthulakshmi does brisk business through out the day as thirsty passers by stop for refreshments. She also buys and sells firewood and metal Scrap.
Muthulakshmi is a picture of courage and determination as she goes about her daily work, sometimes assisted by her children or her 10-year-old grand daughter. She welcomes customers with a bright Smile and does not turn away even the stray cow that comes to her doorstep each morning for leftovers.
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A new beginning
It is inspiring to see that women and children who were part of Our programme have not only been able to come to terms with their loss, but also gained a positive outlook to life.
The Batticaloa programme is a fine example of how our approach has worked. It strengthens our belief that when women and children are affected in Conflict situations, there is a need to address both their psychosocial problems and economic difficulties. Neither can work well in isolation.
While writing about those who have benefited from our efforts, we present a picture of reasonable optimism. There are no speedy solutions to any of their problems, but widowed women and their children can definitely be helped to overcome trauma and restore normality to their lives.
That our efforts in this direction have yielded results is evident from the success of the women's economic development society in Batticaloa. Initiated by Save the Children (Norway) in 1992, the society has not only survived in the midst of an atmosphere of continued hostilities, but also grown stronger over the years. It gives us the hope that if more women and children are given appropriate help soon after a traumatic event, they too can achieve positive results.
The Women who participated in our programme for widows continue to work actively as an integral part of the economic development Society. It is the outcome of the programme's economic training Component, which focussed on training and guidance in income generation activities. More importantly, it is proof of the women's resilience and determination.
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Today, the society has over 270 members. A flourishing venture, the society extends loans up to Rs.9,000 to members, and has an impressive repayment record. Members are involved in a variety of income-generating activities like pottery and making palmyrah objects. Some women own petty shops and general Stores, while others sell Snacks and Cool drinkS.
We decided to meet some members of the society to find out what they had to say about the War Widows Programme. One Sunny morning, a group of women gathered enthusiastically in the society's office in a portion of a member's house. They were chatting noisily when we entered the room. Some members and a couple of supporters who had arrived to facilitate the meeting, were busy readying the mats for the session.
They greeted us cheerfully. After introducing ourselves, we explained the purpose of our visit. We were interested in knowing what each of them thought about the programme. We realised it was a rather difficult and sensitive subject. They would have to think about the distressing period they had gone through after their husbands' death and talk to us about aspects of the programme that helped them. We explained how this would enable us to identify ways to help other affected women and children. The women readily agreed to our request.
They sat together with the supporters and began talking about the past. After a couple of hours of discussion, they were prepared to tell us what the programme had meant to them. The insights gained from that meeting are summarised here.
Although the economic development society is a commercial enterprise, the women today acknowledge the role of our supporters in their lives. They had not thought about the programme itself for many years, but said that they had been grief-stricken and had no one to turn to for comfort. The supporters filled that gap and built trust and in many cases, lasting friendships.
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Addressing their emotional problems and easing stress helped the women confront reality and take a pragmatic approach to life. The supporters helped them realise that their children needed their love and attention. Life had to go on in spite of the terrible losses they had suffered.
Looking back, the women recognise that the Support framework created by the programme influenced their lives in many WayS. First, it offered them emotional support in the form of someone to share their grief and fears with. Supporters played the role of friends who listened when the women wanted to talk about their problems and offered advise when required.
The supporters also took care of the children when the women were busy with various stages of the programme. They offered the children support and referred those who were deeply troubled to counsellors. The supporters helped them to understand their mothers' situation and offered suggestions to older children on how they could help their mothers.
Once the women's groups had been formed, a natural bond emerged among members of the group. They found strength in numbers and in the knowledge that together they would be able to overcome some difficulties. The programme created a forum for sharing their experiences, thoughts and feelings. Naturally, they cried a lot; they had the opportunity to grieve for their dead husbands. This was an important part of the plan.
It also encouraged them to support each other and help identify strengths that could be beneficial both to the individuals and the group. Some possessed inherent skills, while others learnt to do things simply by watching their friends at work. The entire programme was a time for togetherness and for learning to pick up the pieces and get on with life.
The economic component of the programme helped them become independent and gain confidence. Many women said they were able to educate their children and take Care of the basic needs of the entire family.
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As explained in the previous chapters, the objective of the War Widows Programme was to secure the emotional welfare of the women while simultaneously helping them to attain economic independence. We were able to achieve this with the active participation of the women. In doing so, together we have helped change the way in which these widowed women are perceived in Society.
The widows no longer view themselves as helpless. They manage their homes and businesses perhaps as naturally as their husbands once did. They have demonstrated their ability to earn a livelihood and Care for their children despite numerous problems and Cultural bias towards widows. These women have taken the first StepS towards changing rigid, often harsh attitudes towards widowhood within the context of their culture. They have accomplished this through slow and painstaking efforts at rebuilding their lives and that of their children.
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Bibliography
DeSpelder, L.A & Strickland, A.L. (1983). The last dance. Encountering death and dying. Mayfield Publishing Company, California.
O Eth, S. & Pynoos, R. (Eds) (1985). Post-traumatic stress
disorder in children. American Psychiatric Press, Washington.D.C
O Fraser, M (1974). Children in conflict. Penguin,
HarmondsWOrth.
O Hundeide, K. Children's life - world during traumatic
experiences of war. Unpublished paper, University of Bergen.
O Jareg, E. Children who have survived. Unpublished paper,
Oslo.
O Johnson, K. 91989). Trauma in the lives of children.
Macmillian Education Ltd., London.
O Ochberg, F(Ed), (1988). Post-traumatic therapy. Brunner/
Mazel, New York
O Raudalen, M., Mugisha, L & Lwanga, J. 9986). Four investigations on stress among children in Uganda. Unpublished paper, Bergan & Kampala.
O Ressler, E. Boothby, N. & Steinbock, D. (1988).
Unaccompanied children. Oxford University Press, New York.
O Aneimeik Heynens (1995), Children of War & Violence.
O Dr. Rev. Mervyn Fernando, Make Your Dreams Come
True.
O Nancy Moss (1995), Field Observation.
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Appendices
FORM 1
ASSESSMENT FORM - WDOWS PROGRAMME INTERVEW WITH SOLLE BREADWINNER
Name of Interviewer: ...............................................................
District / A.G. Div / Village: ...............................................................
Date of Interview. ..............................................
FAMILY DATA
1. Name of sole breadwinner:
2 Name of spouse
3. When did you get married ? date.............................................
4. Certificate of marriage: Yes................... No......................
5. How many children do you have?
Name of Children age sex B-cert
6. Are there other persons living in the household?
Name / relations age SeX
NOTE: At present the household consists of................... adults and............ children, a total number of.......... persons.
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10.
11.
Psycho-SQcial Conditions
How long is it since your husband dissappeared / died?
Missing............. dead........... Since............... years........... months
What have your children been told about the dissappearence of their father?
SchOOling
Are your children between 6 and 14 years of age attending School?
Yes ............. how many ................ name of School...................
Yes ............. how many ................ why not? ............................
Are there any problems regarding schooling? (expenses, teachers attitudes, childrens attitudes etc.) yes................. O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
Famiv self-sustenance and livin iti
SuStenanCe
What are your current family assets and property?
Have you applied for compensation from the Government?
S SS SS SS SS SSS SS SS SS SS SS SS SS SS SS S SS SLS yes : application dated..................... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
no reply ܀ ܀ ܀ . . . . . . . . . . •
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - have been granted Rs.
How do you provide for your daily sustenance needs? (Cash income, home garden, livestock, other)
The households total cash income per month Rs........................
Have you tried to improve your Sustenance
Living Conditions
Do you own the house you live in? (own, rent, relatives, camp etc.)
ls the house in a satisfactory condition? yes............ O . . . . . . . . . . . . If no, what repair is needed?
1 1()

18.
19.
2O
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
26
From where do you get safe water? (tank, river, well, tap etc.)
Family Health
ls anyone in your household suffering health problems at present?
What medical services are available to you within a days return travel? (Ayurvedic clinic, dr. medical clinic, hospital, pharmacy)
Do you have problems in providing food for your household's daily needs?
Do you boil the water before drinking? yes............. nO. . . . . . . . . . . . .
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Integration into the Community
27. For how long have you lived in this neighbourhood?
28. How do the neighbours relate to you and your children?
Plan of Action
Explain to the window what kind of assistance RB can provide and for how long.
Discuss in what ways she can make use of the assistance and Support RB Can Offer.
Define some specific issues or problems to focus on within a specific time frame.
in the following 6 months we will focus specially on these issues:

FORM2
EVALUATION FORM - WDOWS PROGRAMME NTERVIEW WITH SOLE BREADWINNER
Name of Interviewer: ...................................................................
District / A.G. Div / Village: ...................................................................
Date of Interview: .....................................................
This interview is made ........................ months after the first interview and represent evaluation number ..............................
FAMILY DATA
1. Name of Sole breadwinner:
2. At present the household consists of......................... adults and S SL S S S S S S SL S SL S LC LC SL SL LSS LS S S SLS S SL LSL L LSL LSL S SL SL S S LSS children, a total of.................. persons.
SchOOling
3. Are your children between 6 and 14 years of age attending school?
Yes.............. how many................ name of School....................
nO . . . . . . . . . . . . . . how many ................ why not?.................... . . . . . . . . .
4. Have you received any kind of assistance from RB regarding Schooling since last interview? (materials, discussions with teacher etc.)
5. Are there any current problems regarding schooling? (expenses, teachers' attitudes, childrens attitudes etc.) yes......... ՈO .........
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Family Self-Sustenance and Living Conditions
Sustenance
Have you applied for compensation from the Government?
SL S S LSL L LSL LSL S S LSL S SL S SSSS SSL SSL S S S SL S yes : application dated.......................................
S SL SL SL SL S S S S S S S S SS S SS SS SS no reply
- - - - - - - - have been granted Rs...................
S S S S S S S S SS SqS S S S LS S SSSSS SS SS S SS S S S S S S S S no why not?.......................................................
How do you provide for your daily sustenance needs? (cash income, home garden, live stock, other)
The households total cash income per month Rs. .......................
in what ways have RB assisted you in improving your sustenance? (income generating activity or other assistance)
lf loans have been given
— first Oan Of RS. ................ given ................. months ago
- second loan of Rs. ................ given ................. months ago
- third loan of Rs. ................ given ................. months ago
Do you face any problems at the moment in improving your Sustenance?
| 1.4

1O.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
LIVing Conditions
How are your living conditions at present?
Satisfactory Needs improvement
Housing ...................... .................................. Safe Water ...................... ..................... . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Latrines ... ...
Other .......................... .................... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
What kind of assistance has RB provided in improving your living Conditions since last interview?
ls any one in your household suffering from health problems at present?
Do you have problems in providing food for your household's daily needs?
ye:S ............................... O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
Psycho-Social Conditions
What is your major worry or concern at the moment?
What comfort and support to you in overcoming the worries and difficulties you face? (practical and emotional) 18. How are your children coping with their lives at present?
EValuation Of the ColabOration With Redd Barna
What regular contact have you had with RB since the last evaluation interview was Conducted? (visits by supporter, credit meetings, etc. and how oftern?)
1 16

22. Have you participated in other RB programmes or activities?
(health programmes, overnight sessions etc.)
Discuss and evaluate the outcome and achievements on the issues you planned to work on in your last plan of action.
23. What has been of most help to you when you took back on the
past months since the previous evaluation interview.
24. Do you have any suggestions to how RB can improve the work we do in assisting widows and their families to achieve a better life?
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Plan of Action for the Coming 6 months
Explain to the widow what kind of assistance RB can provide and for how long.
Discuss in what ways the widow and her family can make further use of the assistance and support RB can offer.
Define together with the widow some specific issues or problems to focus on until next evaluation (due in 6 months)
In the following 6 months we will focus specially on these issues:
18

QUESTONNAIRE FOR PARENT / GUARDAN
Name of parent / guardian: Date:
Address: Study Area.
Religion: Interviews:
Family Members
Name Age Occupation
in what ways is the family affected by the war?
Death - husband
Details
----- - - - Death - other family member MWWW- WWW lf "yes", details
w w MMMM Physical injury of family member - - - if "yes", details
House damaged or burnt سینه. بسسسسست. سیستم
if "yes", details
Loss of property / theft if "yes", details
Family had moved to another place ــــ ۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔ ۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔ if "yes", details
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is the mother strong enough in herself to cope with the present situation?
Yes No
f"no" details:
lf she is not, does that have any influence on the child(ren)?
Yes No
If "yes” in what way
5. How much is the total monthly expenditure?
500 or less
500 - 1 OOO
1000 - 1500
1500 - 2000
2000 or more
6. What are the household's current sources of monthly income from
full and part time, occupations?
Family member
Activity Occupation Monthly income
Total Monthly income:-

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